Pre-Show
MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Critical Role where a handful of voice actors join some fantastic guests to play some Dungeons & Dragons. (cheering) I want to thank you so much for joining us for a special Giving Tuesday one-shot that was shaped by your donations to our current fundraising campaign for the Critical Role Foundation and Red Nose Day. So all donations made right now-- (clapping) -- and through future donations to Critical Role Foundation will continue to support Red Nose Day's mission to provide vital resources to children facing poverty around the world so we cannot thank you enough for your donations, sharing our fundraising campaign updates with your community around you, and even just watching or listening to our game today. And because you're all so very wonderful, every dollar donated to our campaign now through November 28th at midnight Pacific will be matched up to $250,000 by Comic Relief US. (cheering) So to donate or share our campaign, please visit critrole.com/rednoseday. We do have a number of fun people at the table here. Let's go and do a quick introduction for what we have. Starting on this side, we have Laura Bailey! (cheering and clapping) Welcome to the table. Next to you, we have our first of two first-time guests at the table, Tony Hale! (cheering and clapping) Thank you so much.
TONY: Thank you for having me.
MATT: Over here, sadly, Liam O'Brien wasn't able to join us.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm the fill-in.
MATT: But our very own Sam Riegel has graciously offered to join the table--
LAURA: You suck, Sam!
SAM RIEGEL: I do.
MATT: -- in his place.
SAM RIEGEL: I suck, yay!
MATT: But thank you so much for making it happen, Sam.
SAM RIEGEL: Thank you.
MATT: We miss you, Liam. Our secondary guest for the first time at the table as well, the illustrious Sam Richardson. (cheering and clapping)
SAM RICHARDSON: Hello, hello. Thanks for having me. I'm also Sam.
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs) Yeah. (laughter)
MATT: Two Sam R's next to each other at the table I'm sure will be fine.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh yeah.
MATT: What could possibly go wrong?
SAM RIEGEL: I'm the handsome one.
MATT: Finally--
SAM RICHARDSON: Yeah.
MATT: Rounding out on my right-hand side here, the wonderful Taliesin Jaffe.
SAM RIEGEL: Hey! (cheering and clapping)
MATT: So thank you all so much for joining us, and let's go ahead and jump into this special Red Nose Day one-shot.
SAM RIEGEL: Hi-yah!
TALIESIN: Hmm--
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
MATT: So--
TONY: I'm just going to do what you do, Sam.
SAM RIEGEL: Sure, sure, sure.
MATT and SAM RICHARDSON: (laugh)
Gameplay
MATT: Welcome to Exandria. In particular, the cozy northwest shore of the island of Athova-Rae within the northern reaches of the Shattered Teeth, a collection of 43 islands that make up the ever-shifting region of the world. Here, within the bustling port village of Drobanagos, which means "Home of the Dreamer" in the Galapa tongue, this modest fishing village thrives not just due to the mineral-rich coastal caves that wind through the surrounding seaside rock, but as one of the outlying islands that seasonally shucks off the heavy mists that normally enshroud the Shattered Teeth and thus lending itself as a safer supply stop for many sea vessels that brave the region. Now, it is here the people excitedly prepare for the upcoming local Musetide Festival where arts, talents, and crafts are on full vibrant display throughout the village. People are getting ready to gather in the town center in the week to come. They're already decorating, preparing the region at a leisurely pace, constructing costumes, building statues of multicolored crustaceans while other run streamers and colorful banners along the port towers and street lanterns that permeate the streets and roads that run throughout. This jovial energy is infectious, especially in the midday merriment that fills the space around you.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, oh.
TONY: Hey.
MATT: Now, these type of events often also draw opportunists, swindlers, and sometimes a criminal element that exploit the events and its participants. It's for this reason the Elder Aldafud reached out to all of you to keep an eye out, keep the peace, and help be general security through the setup and event before it arrives next week. Now, you are a curious band of figures. Some of you had some history, some of you don't, but you found yourselves drinking within one of the nearby watering holes of the village where the elder himself got a bit too deep in his sauce cups.
TONY: Hmm.
MATT: And proceeded to angrily tout his frustrations with the youth. What nearly turned into a bar brawl, something that seemed to happen on more than one occasion. You stood to his defense and he seemed to take your troop as a very talented and well-established group of traveling guardians.
TONY: That's right.
MATT: And thus, felt inspired to reach out to you. I mean, 15 gold a day to just sit around and watch the local inhabitants of the village build, it's pretty easy money, especially if nothing goes wrong, which nothing will go wrong, right? But here now as you bring us to the warm midday, the blue and cloud-dappled sky above, the smell of sea spray in the air from the higher tide that hits the nearby docks. Stages and carts are being set up within the square as, we'll say, you two emerge from the closest tavern to the market square as the door swings open with a slam on the side. Sam, if you could introduce us to your character and what we see.
SAM RICHARDSON: Yes, I am Ranthiel Volthor--
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
SAM RICHARDSON: -- a human warlock with braided hair tied back with a blue headband and a cloak that covers a fine bit of hide armor.
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh.
TONY: Sexy.
SAM RICHARDSON: A very sexy, very charming warlock who loves a bit of booze. He's stammering a little bit because he's enjoyed a little bit of a drink. I walk out the front door and I'm telling, I'm telling Bramble that she is, in fact, not my girlfriend. (laughter)
MATT: So as you walk through the door, quickly rushing out after you gliding through the air, we see Bramble. Laura, if you wouldn't mind introducing yourself.
LAURA: Yes. (laughs) My name's Bramble.
TONY: Hmm.
LAURA: I am a faerie. Okay, so I'm about this big.
TONY: Hmm.
LAURA: I'm light green with a beautiful (messy) mane of orange-ish yellow-ish hair. I don't know what the natural color is. It's kind of filled with dirt.
TONY: Hmm.
LAURA: There is, you know, thorns and sticks sticking out of her hair. She's fastened dried leaves and some dead flowers together and make her awesome armor with some fur sticking on there that probably belonged to a mouse that at one point was white.
MATT: (laughs)
LAURA: It's not anymore. I think she smells like a little cloud of rancid meat as she flies around.
TONY: Hmm.
MATT: Perfect.
LAURA: She's floating around your head going, (laughs) I don't know what you're talking about, Ran. You didn't say that the other day, (laughs) okay?
SAM RICHARDSON: Well, you know, the drink speaks for itself, but things happen, but it doesn't mean anything.
LAURA: Ran, Ran, give it time, okay? You're going to love this.
SAM RICHARDSON: Just, I'm not into it. (laughter) Just not into it.
MATT: As this discussion of banter back and forth pushes its way into the din of the busy work in the middle of the courtyard, we shift over to the sound of a practicing band, a troupe of musicians that are currently by one of the stages that is only partially built. We see a squat halfling who has a hat with the front brim pulled back, and he's currently tuning a lute, staring in a frustrated direction towards another smallfolk performer who's also tuning their lute as we turn over to Sam Riegel, if you would like to introduce your character.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm playing a young character named Scanlan Shorthalt, who is a gnome bard. Let's say that he's wearing purple. He's wearing tight purple pants and a white shirt, but the shirt is buttoned all, let's say it's buttoned all the way up. He's got long hair down to his shoulders, but he's a little bit uncomfortable in his skin. He doesn't have the swagger of some other performers or folks that we might meet later in the world. (laughs) Yes. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: He's definitely tuning his lute, but next to him is Kent Plucker.
MATT: Kent Plucker is the one who's on--
SAM RIEGEL: He's a really good, he's really, Kent Plucker's amazing on the lute, and Scanlan's trying to learn some of the fingerings and get it right.
MATT: "I mean, you can watch all you want all day, but you'll never quite reach where I'm at."
SAM RIEGEL: I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I just need a little bit-- Could you show me one more time? Or--
LAURA: You suck, Scanlan!
SAM RIEGEL: Oh god. Boy oh boy.
MATT: A hand touches your shoulder as we look up to the large charismatic half-orc figure of Dr. Dranzel, the front man of this performing troupe pats you on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Scanlan. I've seen what you can do, and I look forward to seeing what more you're capable of."
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, sir. I promise I'll keep practicing and I'll get good.
MATT: "One day, you'll be as good as us." You hear someone else shout, "You suck, Dranzel!" He's like-- (laughter)
MATT: "Comes with the job." Past Scanlan, we look over to see Kent Plucker who's now still eyeing the newcomer, Scanlan, to this troupe before hearing the sound of a few boards being knocked over from a cluster of building materials. To the right, we see-- Taliesin, if you could describe your character.
TALIESIN: My name is Bobby.
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
TALIESIN: Bobby Socks, and I'm about maybe a young 15. Even for a halfling, definitely a late bloomer. I'm super excited to be here. I have got messy brown hair and brown boots and some brown gloves, and I'm wearing green short pants and a little green shirt that you can't quite see because there's a little leather tunic over it. I've got a little backpack and a little pack that looks like a little pack of cards on a belt. I'm super excited by all of this. This is so cool.
SAM RIEGEL: Goober. (laughter)
MATT: You don't realize you had knocked over this majority of building construction materials into the ground. Kent Plucker looks back, "Boy, I told you to look where you're going."
TALIESIN: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dad, Mr. Pluck, Kent. I'm sorry, Kent, Dad. I'll go pick it up right now. I'm going to it right now.
MATT: "Good boy, good boy. I'm so sorry. Look, I didn't know he was going to be here. It's been a few years."
TALIESIN: I'm almost done!
MATT: (sighs) "All right."
TALIESIN: Just one more!
SAM RIEGEL: He's not very cool.
TALIESIN: All done! Did it.
LAURA: (laughs)
MATT: "Maybe you can learn something. I'm going to get a drink. You want to come with me?"
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: He points over towards you. If you wouldn't mind, Tony, introducing your character.
TONY: (taps table)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, oh, he's already drumming.
TONY: Yeah, so my name is Sarge, and I-- (laughter)
TONY: (taps table) So my name's Sarge, and I'm a drummer, so me and--
SAM RIEGEL: Scanlan.
TONY: -- Scanlan. His name's pretty easy to forget. (laughter)
TONY: We're in a band together, and I used to be, well, I am an entertainer. I used to work for the royal family, as you know, the royal family of Uludan from another land.
LAURA: I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
MATT: Nicodranas.
TONY: Nicodranas. And can I give my secret or--
SAM RIEGEL: You can do whatever you want.
MATT: Oh, hold on. For the introduction, hold on to it.
TONY: I'll hold on.
MATT: We'll see if it plays out.
TONY: Just so you know, I had platinum white hair, and as you notice, I have a dark-blue eye and a light-blue eye.
SAM RIEGEL: It's captivating.
TONY: These coveralls I'm wearing, I designed perfectly half dark-blue, half light-blue with--
LAURA: Are they skintight?
TONY: They're not.
LAURA: Oh. (laughter)
TONY: I got black combat boots.
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh!
MATT: Slick.
TONY: As you know, for reason I will unveil later because I don't like to give you too much information-- (laughter)
TONY: I have dyed my hair black, and I have this cloak to keep a little hidden. As you know, this is my friend, my white tiger friend here.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh.
TONY: Her name is Ethel.
MATT: It's a massive, massive white tiger.
TONY: She's a massive white tiger.
MATT: (growls)
TONY: She is a calming source for me because I get a little jittery, but it goes into my art.
MATT: (tiger groan)
TONY: I'm going to turn around for you.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh!
TONY: If you notice these beautiful platinum drums on my back, at a moment's notice, I do a flip and the drums start and it sounds like thunder is on its way. (laughter)
MATT: Some of the local townsfolk stop and turn, looking for the sign of rain in the middle of this beautiful, vibrant day.
TONY: It's me, not that.
SAM and SAM: (laughs)
MATT: "Oh." (claps) Some of them clap and get back to work.
TALIESIN: Yep.
MATT: Kent looks back at you. "Well, come on. Let's get that drink."
TONY: Okay.
MATT: You both start walking over towards the tavern passing by the two of you, just as the elder himself arrives.
TONY: Whoa!
MATT: You see Elder Aldafud, who is this massive male galapa, this massive bipedal tortoise folk stands probably about seven feet tall at the top of the shell. As lanky as his limbs are very thin, but fan out into a bold thickness at the end of the forearms and the legs so he looks like he walks with this strange lopping gait. You see his gray skin is thick and there are all number of tattoos throughout it. His shell is painted permanently in turquoise shades that give all these different weird symbols around it that denote his years of service here to the village. You can see there's dangling trinkets that are tied onto it in holes that are burrowed into the edges of the shell where he hangs them from. So as he walks, he jangles with them as he approaches. You see himself--
TONY: It's a nice beat.
MATT: -- shaking off some sort of a hangover himself before he glances over at you, and both of you as you're gathered outside of the bar himself. "Oh, goodness! What a pleasure to see you all out here at midday. I'm sorry, if you have a moment here, things are starting to ramp up and I think, if you don't mind, I'd like all your eyes just in case."
LAURA: I fly over and grab onto one of his dangly bits on his shell and start swinging back.
MATT: Hanging.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
TALIESIN: Dad, is it okay if I go over and talk to? I know I'm supposed to be, but--
SAM RIEGEL: I'll keep an eye on him.
TALIESIN: That's okay. Thank you, Mr. Shorthalt.
MATT: "Sure enough. I'll go ahead and get my drink then, I guess. Get your business finished, Sarge."
TALIESIN: Thanks, Kent.
TONY: That's his dad?
SAM RIEGEL: Kent, the lutist, is this guy's dad.
TONY: Oh, different temperaments.
TALIESIN: Hi.
MATT: "Well--"
SAM RIEGEL: Bobby Socks' dad.
MATT: "We'll put it this way. I'm his (chuckles) donor," and then walks into the bar.
TONY: Ooh, trauma! (laughter)
TALIESIN: He's super funny.
TONY: Oh, is he? Okay.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: Now that you've all gathered at this point, the elder looks about. "Well, you've already proven yourselves to be extremely capable and a very tight-knit group of trusted companions, I'm sure. To that degree, I'm glad that you've agreed to accept my particular offer for keeping watch over the fine folk of this fair village."
TONY: Mm.
MATT: "I have a feeling, as previous years, that some folks on the outskirts are up to no good. So if you could just be present, keen-eyed, looking for any opportunity to help out whoever needs it around. If any funny business is happening, well, you just-- (grunts) "Oops, sorry, shoulder doesn't work. (grunts) Give them the business. Might even be a bonus at the end if you do some good work on my behalf." (laughs)
TALIESIN: Ooh!
LAURA: How much?
MATT: "Oh, I guess that's a discussion for what it gets done, little lass! (laughs)" He gently tips you with his finger as you swing even heavily. "Oh!" Rubs the back of his chin. The wrinkled front of his tortoise face to the pointed bit of the front of his lip, you can see there's a little bit of a faint heavy, almost like a stubble. You didn't think tortoises could grow any facial hair, but you're not sure if it's, maybe it should be short bristles? You've not spent a lot of this, this much time in front of an older galapa, but it's definitely an interesting element as he rubs it. It makes this loud (brushing) sound that sets you on edge. "Anyway, I'm going to leave you to your business. I got to go meet with--"
SAM RIEGEL: Is there anywhere particular we're meant to be stationed or looking for trouble?
MATT: "Well, this seems to be the central region. You're welcome to go on individual walks, if you think it's necessary. But I honestly think if anything's going to happen, it's probably going to go down here."
TONY: Can I ask you what kind of things you've seen that make you this skeptical about outsiders?
MATT: "In all my years as a village elder, all seven of them, I've seen all sorts of folk trying to thieve fish from underneath the fishmonger."
TONY: Huh.
SAM RICHARDSON: Fish thieves.
MATT: "I've seen children running around and stealing baubles from the various bauble makers."
SAM RIEGEL: Children thieves.
TALIESIN: We do like baubles.
SAM RICHARDSON: Children thieves and bauble thieves.
TONY: So we're not talking big crimes. We're talking kind of petty things.
MATT: "Maybe not big to you."
TONY: Uh-huh.
MATT: "But they're big to the fishmonger. They're big to the bauble makers."
TONY: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: As long as the coin spends. I forgot I have an accent as well. (British) As long as the coin spends, it's going to be just fine.
TONY: Okay, okay.
MATT: "No worries."
LAURA: He's so dreamy.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs) Don't worry about it, love. You're not my girlfriend. (laughter)
MATT: As the elder saunters off for a bit and the bustle of the city now fills the space that all five of you are now standing awkwardly at each other with your current business set before you, but no immediate direction.
SAM RIEGEL: So Ran, you just, just are with a woman and then you can just walk away like nothing matters?
SAM RICHARDSON: Everyone matters, but you know, only for a short amount of time.
SAM RIEGEL: Huh, I like that idea.
SAM RICHARDSON: In a way, I fall in love with everybody, but I just fall out of love too easily.
SAM RIEGEL: Do you have any other girlfriends around here that we should know about?
SAM RICHARDSON: Not in-- No, I don't even have one.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, I mean--
SAM RICHARDSON: Just people I've been with. Oh, maybe-- Mum's the word right now, mate.
LAURA: You hear that? He's been with me! (laughs)
TONY: Yeah. What I hear is you're open. (laughter)
TONY: So, this is your dad?
SAM RIEGEL: The guy over there, yeah.
TALIESIN: Yeah. Yeah no, he's--
TONY: Do you know anything about what he's talking about, about all these kids stealing stuff and stealing fish and stuff?
TALIESIN: Well, I mean, you know, things happen. This is a carnival, or a festival, and, you know, people tend to drink inappropriate drinks, maybe sometimes, you know, get a little spiced up.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
TALIESIN: You know?
TONY: Sure.
TALIESIN: If I've heard.
TONY: Okay.
TALIESIN: So, you know, it's those little things and little things happen. Little things lead to big things. So if we stop people from doing the little things, just baubles, for example, or cheating at some of the games, which are actually technically rigged, I've heard, then, you know, they won't lead further into a life of crime where they--
MATT: "Someone! Anyone, anyone!" As you're having this conversation, you see this young, early mid twenties, elf-looking woman, waifish. Thin jowls, her eyes this bright amber color. Jet black hair that looks a bit tousled and dirtied. Her pointed ears poking through. You can see there's smudges of dirt on the center of her face. She's wearing a simple dress and she stumbles out into the crowd here. She has a look of concern and/or anxiety behind her eyes.
TONY: Hmm.
MATT: "Oh, oh good--" She stumbles and full on falls on her ass. (clunky tumbling)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh!
MATT: "Oh!"
SAM RICHARDSON: Oopsie daisy, love.
TALIESIN: I'm going to run over--
LAURA: Hold up a card that says 10 on it.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, jeez.
TALIESIN: Here you go, ma'am. Let me help you up.
MATT: "Oh, thank you so much. You're so kind."
TALIESIN: I feel I should roll a strength check for this.
MATT: Sure, go for it. (laughter)
TALIESIN: Just offering.
MATT: I'm not going to deny it.
TALIESIN: Yeah. Thank you.
MATT: First roll of the game.
TALIESIN: Awesome. Two.
LAURA: I'm doing to fly down--
MATT: Two. "Thank you kindly!"
LAURA: -- and land on your shoulder.
TALIESIN: Just-- Oh god! Oh ow! Ow!
MATT: You both--
TALIESIN: (groaning) Oh, okay.
MATT: You both fall back into mud.
TALIESIN: Ow. Help.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
TALIESIN: Okay. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Ran, maybe a little help over there. I mean, you seem to be the--
TALIESIN: She's very heavy.
LAURA: I'll fly over and grab her and pull her up.
MATT: This tiny fairy lifts her up onto her feet.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh wow.
SAM RICHARDSON: Wow.
MATT: "Oh, thank you."
TALIESIN: She's very heavy.
TONY: Wow, nice.
MATT: "Goodness, you--" Looking about at your attire and various adornments, "Are you all guardians of this event?"
TONY: Seems that way.
SAM RICHARDSON: For the day, yeah.
TONY and SAM RIEGEL: Yeah.
LAURA: We're security. (sighs importantly)
MATT: "Oh, what wonderful fortunes, protectors of this-- I am impressed. I do hate to ask." You see her bottom lip trembling.
TONY: Aw.
MATT: A bit of fear behind her eyes. "I'm a bit--"
LAURA: Poke it. (laughter)
TONY: You don't waste a lot of time. (laughter)
LAURA: I meant the lip.
MATT: Okay! (laughter)
TONY: Oh. (laughter)
MATT: Aim's a little off this one. You've been drinking this early in the morning.
TALIESIN: She twitched. (laughter)
MATT: "I'm in dire need of help." (laughter)
MATT: "Ow. Why would you--"
TONY: That wasn't very nice.
MATT: "I'm in dire need of help from such capable individuals as you."
SAM RICHARDSON: Somebody stole your fish or your little baubles? (unenthusiastically) Woo.
TONY: Yeah, exactly.
MATT: "No. (suction popping) Okay." (laughter)
MATT: "I live a small ways outside of Drobanagos in a small cabin by the waters with my sister, Teles and my mother, Prothanthanope."
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, boy.
TALIESIN: Wow.
SAM RIEGEL: All right.
LAURA: (laughs)
MATT: "We've been--" (laughs)
TONY: I'm just going to leave that, I'm going to leave that where it is. (laughter)
MATT: "We've been noticing the local wildlife have been growing unnaturally agitated. When my sister and I investigated, we saw a dark looking ship secretly docked within one of the sea caves. Many rough looking types with sharp weapons, not unlike your own. My sister and I went to look and we were spotted by one of the crew. I barely fled with my life before rushing straight here. I fear my sister did not quite keep up with me."
TONY: Mm.
MATT: "Might have been taken. Could you help me rescue her before the sun sets?"
TONY: Ethel starts to stir, because some of these animals were her friends.
MATT: (Ethel growling and huffing restlessly)
TONY: She knows what she's talking about. (Ethel huffs)
SAM RIEGEL: I mean, this is what we're technically being paid to do, I guess.
SAM RICHARDSON: Technically, it's outside of the market. So technically this isn't what we're paid to do.
SAM RIEGEL: So should we just not go?
SAM RICHARDSON: I mean, I'm going to say probably not, but don't leave it up to me.
LAURA: We have to help the animals.
SAM RICHARDSON: Very well.
TALIESIN: I want to see the pirate ship.
LAURA: And the sister.
SAM RICHARDSON: Soon enough.
SAM RIEGEL: I mean, maybe there could be a song in this, if we--
TONY: (drumming rhythmically)
SAM RIEGEL: If we have some sort of adventure. Oh look, he's already inspired. Is that six-eight time?
TONY: ♪ Oh, yeah yeah yeah ♪
SAM RIEGEL: Is that three-four time?
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT and SAM RIEGEL: (laugh)
TALIESIN: I can get my nautical knots bauble. So I'll get one more bauble from my bauble belt.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, is that what that is?
TALIESIN: Kids love baubles. Don't be-- You know. I get you're a little old, but yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Sure, sure.
TALIESIN: Kids love baubles.
LAURA: (laughs)
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
TONY: Is there a direction you think we should start?
MATT: "Well, I can take you there."
TONY: You can lead us?
MATT: 'Well, I came here from it. I'm probably the easiest way to get there."
TONY: It'd be lovely to have you.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, please.
SAM RICHARDSON: This might lead to a bonus. Let's go.
TONY: Yeah, yeah.
MATT: "My name is Ligeia."
TONY: Ligeia.
MATT: "Pleasure to make your acquaintance. But what do you call yourselves, the five of you?"
TONY: The Glorious Ones.
MATT: "The Glorious Ones?"
SAM RIEGEL: Yep.
TONY and SAM RIEGEL: Yep.
LAURA: That's right.
TALIESIN: We're fucking glorious.
SAM RICHARDSON: The Glorious Ones.
MATT: "That sounds important."
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah.
LAURA: It is. really important.
TALIESIN: We're important.
SAM RIEGEL: The Glorious Ones always G-O. We go.
TONY: That's right, that's right.
SAM RIEGEL: We go.
TONY: Thank you.
LAURA: Yeah.
TONY: That's our tagline.
MATT: "It's very clever." (laughter)
TONY: Marketing.
TALIESIN: Wow.
MATT: "Clever and handsome. Wow."
SAM RIEGEL: Oh really, me?
TONY: All right. Easy.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT: "I'm sorry."
LAURA: You have a zit on your cheek right there.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, can you get it for me?
LAURA: Yes.
TONY: A pimple popper.
LAURA: Fly down and land on your shoulder and get one of my thorns off and start--
MATT: She adjusts her dress and turns to show you and immediately stumbles and is about to go into another fall, this clumsy woman.
SAM RICHARDSON: Clumsy one, aren't you?
SAM RIEGEL: I'll go try to catch her.
MATT: Do you want to try and catch her?
LAURA: I scratch your face with the thorn.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh! (laughter)
LAURA: Hold still! (laughter)
MATT: Go ahead and make a, I'll say an athletics or acrobatics check to try and catch her in time.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay. That's a natural 20.
LAURA: Woo!
MATT: Oh, dang!
TONY: Whoa!
SAM RICHARDSON: Woo!
TALIESIN: First one.
TONY: Hi, Mom.
MATT: Like the shadow of a future charlatan overcoming him from within, you dart and catch her, almost a romance novel cover.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
TONY: Oh, come on now. (camera shutter clicking)
SAM and SAM: (laugh)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh.
MATT: "Thank you, fair sir. (damsel-like laugh)"
SAM RIEGEL: It was nothing. I was just here. Yes. I was trying to get you off my shoulder. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: It was nothing, Ligeia.
MATT: "You remembered my name."
SAM RIEGEL: I remember all names.
TALIESIN: This will be the only time you remember.
MATT: She gets back to her feet.
TONY: Oh, the beating of the heart is fast.
SAM and SAM: (laugh)
MATT: "Anyway, sorry I'm a bit clumsy. If you haven't told. This way, through the jungle."
SAM RIEGEL: As soon as she walks away, I'm going to turn around and be like: Oh was that okay?
SAM RICHARDSON: Very good. That was really cool, mate.
TALIESIN: How do you know how to do that?
SAM RICHARDSON: That was very charming, mate.
SAM RIEGEL: I was just trying to channel you and it worked, it worked!
SAM RICHARDSON: Well done. I'm proud of you, mate.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, okay. (light laughter)
MATT: As you all begin to head off, as you're stepping out beyond the outskirts of the village towards the island jungle that sits beyond, towards the back, just the sound of your drum hitting, a cold chill runs down your back. For a moment, Sarge--
TONY: ♪ (poetic grunt) ♪
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
TONY: Thank you.
MATT: You worry that something from your past might still be lingering.
SAM RIEGEL: (gasps)
TONY: Yeah. Ligeia. Ligeia?
MATT: Ligeia. She stops and turns. "Yes, Fine drumsman."
TONY: Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Any of these people you saw, did any of them look kind of like royalty from a different land by chance?
MATT: "If they be royalty, they be dressing down quite strongly. Most of them quite rough and tumble looking, to be honest."
TONY: Okay. All right. Just curious.
SAM RIEGEL: Why do you ask?
TONY: I don't know, Ethel. I don't know if I should tell them.
LAURA: Do you really talk to Ethel?
TONY: Yeah, I talk to Ethel.
LAURA: Can Ethel really understand you?
TONY: Yeah. Ethel, do you understand me? (Ethel grunts)
TONY: Thank you.
SAM RICHARDSON: Clear of a yes as I've ever heard from her.
LAURA: I'm going to start casting Speak With Animals.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: It takes 10 minutes, but I'm going to do it.
MATT: Okay, so as you're flying, you're muttering under your breath this incantation. (laughter)
TONY: That's all right, Ethel. A little secret about myself since we're in this forest by ourselves and you know, I'm developing trust with you guys, you guys at least.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah.
TONY: I got into a little trouble back in my kingdom.
SAM RIEGEL: Nicodranas, where you're from?
TONY: Nicodranas, where I'm from.
LAURA: I heard that place is awesome.
TONY: Not for me. So, there was a murder, which you guys might've heard the big murder that happened to the townsperson that was trying to sell some goods. They were found dead. Well, I know who did it. That they were in the royal family.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, god.
TONY: But at the time I was the entertainer for the royal family. I was the jester.
SAM RIEGEL: Wow. That is a good gig, right?
TONY: Thank you very much. I worked very, very hard for it.
SAM RIEGEL: Does it pay a annual salary or by the day, by the hour?
TONY: Well, I get an annual salary. But I get bonuses every six months, if they like me. If they don't, then I kind have to spend time in jail and all that kind of stuff.
MATT: "Oh, that's, that's a rough, rough go."
TONY: Yeah. So I was the jester. They loved me. This happened. It was a part of the royal family. I became the scapegoat. I did not do it. I'm telling you guys, I did not do it. I ran away, if you notice my platinum hair peeking out. I had to dye it black to stay in hiding.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh. I thought that was a stylistic thing.
SAM RICHARDSON: I thought you were older.
SAM RIEGEL: Part of the stage performance.
TONY: I didn't do tips like the boy bands of the 90s.
SAM RIEGEL: Of the 790s.
TONY: Of the 790s.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes.
TONY: Very popular.
TALIESIN: How long was this murder ago? I'm just taking notes.
TONY: Sure. Okay.
TALIESIN: Your real hair was platinum.
TONY: I don't know if you need to take notes. I mean, you can just listen, but it was about five years ago. You're not going to do anything with those notes, right?
TALIESIN: What? Oh.
TONY: So it was about five years I've been on the run and Ethel's been a guardian for me. She's been very faithful and she understands everything I say.
LAURA: Am I done casting it yet?
MATT: Well, while this is happening--
SAM RIEGEL: Nope! (laughter)
MATT: Ran, you see that Ligeia is listening, but also keeps glancing over your direction. When you catch her gaze she goes, "Sorry, we haven't really discussed much in the way of payment. My mother does have a great many crystals that she's collected from the sea over the years. Would a handsome gentleman such as yourself be ingracious to help?"
TONY: You better step in because--
MATT: "Perhaps we could go on a date or something after."
SAM RICHARDSON: I mean I'd be very well inclined, I think, love. Sorry, I've got an accent. (laughter)
MATT: "Oh, it's all right. I've got one, too."
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, you sure do. I love it. Crystals and maybe a drink in a pub.
MATT: "I'd like that. I don't get into town very often and I'm not used to getting the attentions of one such as chiseled as you."
SAM RICHARDSON: I find that hard to believe, love.
LAURA: All right, I'm done casting my spell! (laughter) What are you guys talking about?
SAM RICHARDSON: Nothing.
MATT: "Just wanting to thank you all properly for coming to my aid at the end of this." (thud) And falls onto the ground.
TONY: You going to come onto her now?
LAURA: She's absolutely useless.
SAM RICHARDSON: She's a little clumsy.
TONY: You turned a corner.
SAM RICHARDSON: Going to pick her up.
TALIESIN: Clumsy can be charming.
MATT: "Anyway. A date it is."
SAM RICHARDSON: A date it is.
MATT: She continues jaunting along.
LAURA: She's faking it.
TALIESIN: That was awesome.
LAURA: She's faking it. Nobody is that clumsy!
SAM RICHARDSON: That's how you do it, mate.
TALIESIN: I'm learning so much today.
SAM RIEGEL: What do you do?
SAM RICHARDSON: Nice try, pal.
SAM RIEGEL: I thought that I called her. I called her.
SAM RICHARDSON: You know, you got to learn to walk before you can run, you know what I mean?
TALIESIN: Accent might help.
SAM RICHARDSON: Yeah. Might try an accent on. Maybe that'll fix it.
SAM RIEGEL: All right. All right. That's good advice. I'll take that. I'll try that. I'll try that.
SAM RICHARDSON: Do as I do. Say as I say.
SAM RIEGEL: All right. ("Irish" accent) I'll try my best.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oof. Try a bit harder, mate. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: No? Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: It's a start. It's a start.
MATT: Also, it's about this time, Bobby, that you hear this faint little cracking sound from the inside of your pack. You recall one of the odd little things you collected that you thought was a petrified egg of some odd creature. You look back into it and you can see this unique little ovoid looking stone, about that large.
TALIESIN: Oh neat.
MATT: But a new little line seems to have run its way through the side of it.
TALIESIN: Well, this is a curiosity. I picked this up because I was going to identify it later when I got home with my mineral books. But it's not supposed to do this. This is very strange. Let's just put it on the ground, and that's so odd.
SAM RIEGEL: Boy.
LAURA: Is it moving?
SAM RICHARDSON: Do I recognize what this is?
MATT: You can make a nature or an arcana check. So you roll d20 and then add your arcana or nature.
LAURA: Ooh, our first roll, our first roll! No, that's not our first roll, you already rolled.
SAM RIEGEL: That's okay. It's his first roll.
SAM RICHARDSON: 10.
SAM RIEGEL: So he said either arcana, plus three, or what did you say?
LAURA: Nature.
SAM RICHARDSON: Nature. So this is arcana. So 13.
MATT: 13, okay. So looking at this, definitely at first glance, it looks it might be a crafted object, a decoration someone would put on a shelf. But the further you look at it, the details are too fine. This does look it is or was an egg of some larger creature. You can't quite pinpoint what it was. The somewhat dull gray and cerulean color to it. The nature of the crack seems like it either had been damaged in shifting, but you're not certain if something would be viable to hatch or if it was just damaged in transit. That's as much as you can ascertain.
SAM RICHARDSON: Curious, man. Where'd you get this?
TALIESIN: I got it at a--
MATT: Where'd you get it?
TALIESIN: Where did I get it? Well, I was taking one of my walks down the beach with my dad-- I mean, with Kent. He actually was too busy to go. So I just, I took it by myself, but it was my walk with my dad. I found it at the edge of the shore along with three wonderful shells. I actually wrote down what kind of shells they were. But I didn't bring my book with me for this one.
TONY: Oh, what a loser.
TALIESIN: But I thought it would be fun to identify later. I mean.
SAM RIEGEL: Do you want to open it or--
LAURA: Wait. Wait. What if it's alive? What if it's a little animal alive in there?
TALIESIN: That's why you're going to tap it very gently.
LAURA: Wait, I just finished casting Speak with the Animals.
MATT: You did.
TONY: Ethel's waiting.
MATT: Yeah. Ethel's going over and sniffing it.
LAURA: What do you think, Ethel? Do you think it's alive in there?
MATT: "I don't know. I want to eat it."
LAURA: I don't think you should do that, Ethel. Do you really like Sarge? Does he really understand you?
MATT: "Sarge seems okay to me." (laughter)
TONY: What did she say? What did she say?
LAURA: You can't understand her? (laughter)
MATT: "We're kind of friends by circumstance. It works out all right--"
LAURA: Wait a minute.
MATT: "-- for the two of us."
LAURA: Ethel. Ethel. Ethel. Ethel.
MATT: "Yeah."
LAURA: Nothing. Are you a dude?
MATT: "No, I just happen to have a deeper voice. That's deeply offensive."
LAURA: Okay. I'm just saying. I was just wondering, I was just wondering.
MATT: "I'm a tiger. Tigers are growly." (laughter)
LAURA: I was just wondering.
TONY: All right. She's-- Can you give me the summary of what she was saying?
LAURA: Ethel, um.
MATT: "(growls)"
LAURA: Ethel has the hots for you.
SAM RIEGEL: This is a very horny episode. Wow.
LAURA: I'm a very horny character.
TALIESIN: I think someone should take a poke at it. Someone brave. Someone with knowledge.
LAURA: Wait! Is that you?
TALIESIN: No!
TONY: (laughs)
TALIESIN: No, I am a minor. I don't think that would be appropriate. Mr. Voltar, Volt?
SAM RICHARDSON: Just call me Ran, mate.
TALIESIN: Mr. Ran. You should. You seem cool. You should just, I don't know. Just give it a-- It'll like you because you're--
LAURA: He's really cool.
TALIESIN: I mean, everyone likes you so far.
SAM RICHARDSON: I place it on the-- It was a little bit further from it. Then, would casting an Eldritch Blast on it be too overkill?
MATT: I don't know. What do you want to try?
LAURA: Wait, can I try to talk to it for a second?
SAM RIEGEL: Do your thing. You do your thing.
MATT: Yeah, do your thing. What do you want to do?
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs) I zap it with an Eldritch Blast. (laughter)
MATT: Perfect, as you all step back into the brush in the jungle. You watch as Ran sets it down in the middle of a cluster of roots in this small, maybe five-foot clearing.
TALIESIN: (laughs)
SAM RICHARDSON: Well, let's--
SAM RIEGEL: He's going to do something really delicate, guys.
SAM RICHARDSON: Let's take a close look at this.
SAM RIEGEL: Really delicate.
LAURA: Really delicate.
SAM RICHARDSON: This is very delicate. Watch as I do.
TALIESIN: Okay!
SAM RICHARDSON: Do as I do, not as I say. And place it there and Blast it.
MATT: Go ahead and roll for an attack.
TALIESIN: Do as I do--
SAM RICHARDSON: 12
TALIESIN: -- not as I say.
SAM RICHARDSON: With a plus six. So it's 18.
MATT: 18. You watch as this delicate, weird. What color would your energy apparate?
SAM RICHARDSON: Blue.
MATT: A deep, cerulean blue energy gathers up in his hand before darting outward and blasting this egg type object. The dirt just explodes into a cloud of dirt and dust and clods of earth. The egg goes and vanishes off into the jungle above.
SAM RICHARDSON: Sorry about that.
SAM RIEGEL: Wait, did it disintegrate or did it just shoot away?
MATT: You just saw something go (whooshes) off into the jungle.
LAURA: Did we-- Oh! Can I fly over and see if I can see where it landed?
MATT: Make a perception or investigation check to try and find it.
TALIESIN: Ooh, I'm into that.
LAURA: I am--
TALIESIN: I'll assist.
LAURA: Oh! Oh, okay.
TALIESIN: Sometimes you can just--
LAURA: Okay.
TALIESIN: If you're going to join someone for a thing.
SAM RICHARDSON: Mm-hmm.
TALIESIN: One roll.
LAURA: Okay. Oh jesus. Oh god!
TALIESIN: Oh!
LAURA: A one, and, thank you for the assistance, 15.
SAM RIEGEL: Whoa!
TALIESIN: Yay!
MATT: Okay, 15's better. So as it goes flying off, and you all take a moment of, oops! Bramble scoots off after it into the jungle, flittering the wings (rapid fluttering) as she disappears into the nearby dangling vine clusters.
LAURA: It smells much better, for you guys. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: Oof.
MATT: Darting around, you try and take a moment to figure out where it might have gone, and you veer to the right, veer to the left, looking for any sign of recent movement. You do hear the faint sound of something coming to rest, like a-- (soft skidding) You dive around one of the heavy trunks of nearby jungle tree, the roots and thick canopy of it twisting around it, this heavy moss and fern growth that almost completely enshrouds the exterior bark of the tree. You glance and can see the egg has come to land seemingly unscathed by the impact.
TONY: Mm.
LAURA: Oh.
MATT: But it's--
TONY: Is it inside all the--
MATT: It's half-resting inside a cluster of ferns and nearby moss.
TONY: Okay.
MATT: As you all catch up and look into-- Who here has the highest perception score? What's your, if you look in your skills?
SAM RIEGEL: Not me.
TALIESIN: Six.
SAM RICHARDSON: Two.
LAURA: Yours is good.
MATT: Six, two.
TONY: I have a five.
MATT: Five's not bad either.
TONY: Plus one, right?
LAURA: A plus one, yeah.
TONY: Yeah.
LAURA: That's good.
MATT: All right. So both Sarge and Bobby--
LAURA: You're very wise, aren't you?
TONY: Thank you.
MATT: -- the two of you, as everyone glances at the egg, you hear this faint singing. This soft-- (angelic singing).
TONY: Oh, that's beautiful.
SAM RIEGEL: From the egg?
MATT: Not from the egg, just in the atmosphere around you.
LAURA: What is that?
TALIESIN: Gosh.
LAURA: That's beautiful.
TONY: Are you sure that's not Ligeia?
LAURA: Yeah, where is Ligeia?
TONY: What is it, Ligeia?
SAM RICHARDSON: Ligeia?
MATT: You now look behind you and Ligeia is like, "(struggling grunts) Sorry, I got quite a bit behind you. What's that sound?"
TONY: That wasn't you?
MATT: "No." You hear it still-- (angelic singing)
TONY: It's Ariel!
TALIESIN: Is it a recognizable tune of any kind or popular?
LAURA: ♪ ("Little Mermaid" tune) ♪
MATT: Not particularly.
TALIESIN: Okay.
MATT: You begin to follow the best you can where it might be, and you glance up into the boughs of the tree where this had fallen. Amongst the lower branches where it's mostly just tangles of leaves and extend, like gnarled fingers that come to pointed edges. You see one beautiful, vibrant, reddish purple apple that is hanging at the end of the branch.
TONY: Ooh, that's dangerous.
MATT: It emanates with a faint aura of magical power.
LAURA: We should eat that!
TONY: Guys--
SAM RICHARDSON: Probably not.
TONY: I come from a religious background. That's not a good idea. (laughter)
TONY: Just letting you know.
LAURA: Should we at least take it, then?
MATT: A voice fills your minds.
TONY: Eat it?
MATT: (ethereal) "Welcome, children."
TONY: It's the snake.
MATT: "You've found the Grove of Enlightenment."
LAURA: (gasps)
MATT: "Here, here, all the knowledge and purpose and potential can be granted. I am but a symbol and servant of the future to those who are brave enough."
TONY: I would like to use my perception.
MATT: Mm-hmm.
TONY: Is that right? Where I can really see if what they're saying is true?
MATT: That'd be insight. You want to roll insight on that? Go for it.
TONY: Can do my insight?
MATT: You may! Roll a d20 and add your insight skill.
LAURA: Do you want to see the apple up close?
TONY: Sure. (laughter)
LAURA: I can pick you up and fly you up.
TONY: Is this it? Okay.
LAURA: Okay. I'm flying you up to the apple.
SAM RIEGEL: You can pick up--
LAURA: I'm really strong!
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: Very strong, trust me on that. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh. Is that why--
MATT: You feel the (unbalanced wavering) as you're being hoisted up.
LAURA: I'm holding you up by your drums.
TONY: Oh wow!
MATT: As you clutch-- You touch the outside of it. As you do, it's warm to the touch, but not in a non-invitational way. It's smooth and it glistens with a weird multicolored sheen, and you hear what sounds like a choir of angelic voices that emanate in the space around it. As it speaks, it's welcoming and warm, and it's says into your mind, "Come, child."
TONY: Guys, I'm using my insight because I'm getting a bad vibe.
LAURA: Uh-huh.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay.
MATT: Go ahead and roll-- Go ahead and roll a d20 and add your insight skill.
TONY: That's this?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
MATT: You got it.
TONY: Okay. Oh, that's not good.
MATT: (laughs) Oh.
TONY: Five and then a plus--
LAURA: Plus five. So that's not terrible.
TONY: Oh yeah, 10.
SAM RIEGEL: You also have luck, if you--
MATT: 10.
SAM RIEGEL: -- ever wanted to use it.
LAURA: Oh!
TONY: Oh, and I--
LAURA: You're a halfling?!
TONY: Am I? (laughs)
LAURA: No, you have a-- Oh, you took that feat?
SAM RIEGEL: If you care to.
TONY: I care to.
MATT: All right, so spend one of your luck points.
TONY: Spend one of my luck points.
SAM RIEGEL: Just cross one off and roll again.
TONY: That's here?
LAURA: That's here.
TONY: That's here.
MATT: Yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Bloop bloop. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: We'll cut that out.
TONY: Great. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Edit that out.
TONY: You don't need to. (laughter)
TONY: Okay, so then I do, for luck points--
SAM RIEGEL: You just roll again.
LAURA: You just roll again.
TONY: Just roll again.
LAURA: You'll be better this time.
MATT: You can pick one or the other.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on, come on, come on!
TONY: 19!
TALIESIN: Hey!
MATT: 19 plus five?
TONY: Is that 19?
SAM RIEGEL: Yes it is.
LAURA: Yeah!
TONY: Yeah, 19 plus five.
MATT: 24.
TALIESIN: That's solid sense.
MATT: So, in looking into this, it seems almost too good to be true, yet the way its voice enters your mind, the sense of power and ancient energy that seems to permeate this rare creation here in Exandria, you get the sense that this is a gift. Maybe an ancient gift that nobody's quite stumbled upon. You don't feel worried, you feel gifted.
LAURA: What do you think, Sarge? (grunting with effort)
TONY: My insight that I'm getting is definitely true?
MATT: As far as you can gather, unless it's extremely well deceptive, or extremely deceptive, you feel a little more trust, and some of your worry begin to ebb away.
TONY: Mm.
MATT: "Bring me with you."
TONY: There's a parallel story to this that doesn't end up well. (laughter)
TONY: Just letting everybody know.
SAM RIEGEL: Maybe on Nicodranas, but not here.
SAM RICHARDSON: Let's get there.
TONY: It's a land story? (laughter)
TONY: Okay, maybe this is an alternate universe, so I say let's pull it down to the ground. So would you mind carrying me back down to the ground?
LAURA: Not at all!
TONY: Thank you.
MATT: As you (pops) pull it free from its single stem, the angelic voices fade a bit.
LAURA: You killed it!
TALIESIN: Aw!
MATT: It's still warm in your hand, and it says, "I will come with you, and my gifts will be yours."
TONY: Interesting. Your gifts are mine, personally?
MATT: "Whoever is brave enough to take them."
SAM RICHARDSON: What do you think, should I blast it?
TONY: No.
SAM RIEGEL: I don't think so.
TONY: It's nothing bad.
LAURA: Can we all hear the apple talking, or is it just Sarge?
MATT: It's like the voice sourcelessly is ringing through your ears.
TONY: I hear apples.
LAURA: (laughs)
TONY: So I can hear this, too.
LAURA: Yeah, obviously.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it glow?
MATT: It has a faint glowing sheen to it, like an oil multicolored sheen across it. It's mostly this deep, reddish-purple color, and then as you turn it over in the light--
TONY: I see a little loop.
MATT: -- it shifts.
TONY: Could I wrap it around a string and wear it around my neck?
MATT: You could.
TONY: Then I can be the protector of the gifts that we have.
LAURA: I'm going to land on your chest and try to take a bite of it.
SAM RIEGEL: What?
TONY: Okay.
LAURA: What?
TONY: Brambrle? What?
SAM RICHARDSON: Brambrle. (laughter)
MATT: You're now Brambrle.
SAM RIEGEL: Is that a word? Is that a word that you ever--
TONY: What was your name? Bramble?
SAM RIEGEL: -- heard in your life? (laughter)
TONY: Beelzebub?
LAURA: Brambrle?
TONY: Bramble.
LAURA: Bramble.
TONY: Bramble.
LAURA: You can call The Thorn, you can call me BT.
TONY: I'll call you Sticky.
LAURA: You can call me--
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
SAM RICHARDSON: Just don't call you girlfriend.
TONY: So-- (laughter)
TONY: Okay, I won't. So there's plenty of stuff to eat around here.
LAURA: Yeah.
TONY: Look at all this.
LAURA: That one's magic, though. That's a magic apple.
TONY: I understand that. This is not one you're going to partake of.
LAURA: Why, though?
TONY: Well, it's got--
LAURA: Apple, do you want us to eat you?
TONY: Don't listen to her.
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
TONY: This apple told me that they got special gifts for us, and that's what this is for. See that pear over there? You can have that.
LAURA: I don't see any pears.
TONY: There's five of them right there.
LAURA: Oh, that one. Okay, okay.
MATT: It's a little brown and a little mushy, but it's definitely an edible pear.
TONY: I'm going to wrap this around, and when I'm sleeping, I don't want a bite out of this in the morning, okay? So I'm going to wrap it around my neck--
MATT: All right.
TONY: -- and carry it right here. Or maybe I'll up there.
LAURA: (laughs) (laughter)
MATT: All righty. As the music and the voice fades--
LAURA: This pear sucks!
MATT: You can recollect your egg, which looks unblemished.
SAM RICHARDSON: Hmm.
TALIESIN: Hmm.
SAM RIEGEL: Wait, so you--
LAURA: Does it still have a crack in it?
SAM RIEGEL: -- blasted it and nothing happened.
SAM RICHARDSON: Very curious.
TALIESIN: I'm going to give a little tap tap with one of my-- I've got something in my pack.
MATT: It's like hitting a rock. It's extremely solid and--
SAM RICHARDSON: I feel I should blast it again.
TALIESIN: Is it making noise like it's hollow or anything?
MATT: No.
SAM RIEGEL: You blast too many things.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, well--
SAM RIEGEL: You blasted that, you blasted Bramble.
SAM RICHARDSON: I just love to blast things. I mean, that's really my thing.
TALIESIN: Loves to blast things.
TONY: Blasted Bramble. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: Blasted Bramble.
TONY: Or Sticky, as we like to call her.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT: As you place that loop around your neck and the apple sits at your chest: "To be emboldened and exalted."
TONY: Guys--
MATT: "The future is yours."
TONY: It's telling me to be emboldened and exalted. Is--
SAM RIEGEL: That's a good thing. This seems like a good--
TONY: It's a very good thing. There was something else you said in the end.
MATT: "The future is yours."
LAURA: (laughs)
TONY: That the future is ours.
LAURA: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: That's nice!
TALIESIN: I'm going to really quickly look up in my nature guidebook about hallucinogenic apples just to make sure there's none in the area.
MATT: Make a nature check.
TALIESIN: All right. That's a seven, where are my-- 12.
MATT: 12.
TALIESIN: Hmm.
MATT: Apples, generally no. Funguses, other fruit that has gone bad and turned can cause all sorts of intoxication. But this, you've never seen something like this before, not in any of the books you've read.
TALIESIN: Hmm. Well, unless there's mold on it, any kind of local mold, or if it's started to go bad and it has a smell of grandma's special stuff, it should be not causing any sort of hallucination. Maybe it's just a talking apple. I mean, I guess, maybe.
TONY: Mm-hmm.
TALIESIN: I don't know.
SAM RICHARDSON: Mm-hmm.
TONY: Would someone like to ask it another question?
LAURA: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: I mean, I feel like Ligeia wants us to go rescue your sister, right?
LAURA: Oh, right! (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: As interesting as apples are.
SAM RICHARDSON: Maybe we should just-- (laughter)
MATT: You look back and Ligeia's just leaning against a tree going like, "Right."
LAURA: You can hear the apple, right? You can hear it?
MATT: "What?"
TONY: This is the apple story, right? (laughter)
MATT: As you're all carefully--
TONY: This is the tale of the apple, right?
MATT: -- putting this apple around his neck-- (laughter)
MATT: Sarge pats it gently. (laughter)
TONY: I've got a whole backstory for the apple. (laughter)
TALIESIN: I feel like the apple's put more of an effort to get to know us, really. (laughter)
TONY: Right, exactly. I really think we should--
SAM RIEGEL: We've got our apple, we've got our egg, we got our tiger, let's go on our mission.
SAM RICHARDSON: I think we should probably get moving. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: Sorry to keep you waiting, darling.
MATT: "It's all right. The mists are coming in close, so we should be wary as we go. Who's leading our journey?"
LAURA: I will.
MATT: "You'll lead, all right." Go ahead and make a survival check for me, if you don't mind.
LAURA: You shouldn't have let me do this.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
LAURA: That-- Okay. 18.
MATT: 18, okay. Not bad. You coast them around through the thicker parts of this jungle to a clearing where there is a pile of gathered vegetables that look beautiful and polished. There's a small sign that says "free stuff" in the middle of it.
TONY: Mmm, I never say no to free.
LAURA: Yeah. Vegetables that are polished?
MATT: They're cleaned and shiny.
LAURA: Where-- What-- Free stuff, huh?
SAM RIEGEL: Wait, it's just a bunch of stuff?
LAURA: It's free vegetables!
SAM RIEGEL: In the middle of the woods?
LAURA: I go take one!
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
SAM RICHARDSON: Curious.
MATT: You (buzzing) fly over and you pick one up.
LAURA: Do you talk, too?
MATT: You hear nothing back.
TONY: Hmm, this is special.
LAURA: How big is the vegetable?
MATT: Well, the one that you grab close to you is like a gourd, so it's kind of large. You're like (grunting).
LAURA: I'm going to tie a string onto it and put it around my neck. (laughter)
MATT: As you (unsteady flight).
SAM RIEGEL: So petty. (laughter)
MATT: Maintaining height as best you can.
LAURA: (laughs)
TALIESIN: Wow. Ethel, do you smell anything funny about these vegetables?
TONY: What do you say, Ethel?
TALIESIN: She can understand me, it's not a problem.
TONY: Oh, okay.
MATT: (laughs)
TALIESIN: I speak Sylvan.
MATT: (growling and sniffing) (growling)
TONY: She's not happy about it.
MATT: She starts growling. (growling ferociously)
TALIESIN: Oh!
TONY: Wow.
SAM RICHARDSON: Interesting. Yeah, give it a little bit of a magic check. See if there's anything odd about this.
MATT: Odd about it? Make a perception, if you'd like to, to see if there's anything that catches off your attention in this space.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay. That's a d20?
MATT: Mm-hmm.
SAM RICHARDSON: All right.
MATT: d20 and add your perception score.
SAM RICHARDSON: 15 plus perception of two, so 17.
MATT: 17. You see on the ground around it four separate snares that are not very well hidden that are surrounding the outside of this pile, and you can see the rest of the snare tethers are run up the side of the nearby jungle trees that surround this clearing where branches are pulled down and taut.
TONY: Mm.
MATT: Then you also notice in the bushes just beyond it, four of these small, deep maroon and red scaled looking humanoid creatures with these long, lizard-like snouts, with little horns in the back of their head. They're wearing tattered tunics and have a net over one arm and maybe a spear in the other, and they're all these little kobold-like creatures that are like, "(snarling) Shh, shh."
SAM RICHARDSON: Easy. I smell a trap. (laughter)
TONY: He's good!
SAM RIEGEL: So cool. He's just so cool!
TALIESIN: I think someone else wants our vegetables.
SAM RICHARDSON: I've never seen free vegetables so nice, so free before. Something's up. Look at these snares. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Wow!
SAM RICHARDSON: That's a trap.
MATT: You hear in the bushes, "Shit!"
LAURA: (laughs)
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs) See? Also somebody just said, "Shit."
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
MATT: (laughs) "Shit!"
SAM RICHARDSON: There it is again!
LAURA: Should we attack them?
TONY: You know what? What if you flew in there, because you're not going to step on the traps, and see what's behind there?
LAURA: Sure, can you hold my gourd? (laughter)
LAURA: I'll fly over.
MATT: To where they are hiding?
LAURA: To where they're hiding.
MATT: Okay. You fly over and they're both just looking out at the rest and they haven't noticed you as you fly above. "(grumbling) Shh, shh, shh!"
LAURA: They're hiding! (laughter)
MATT: They all look up at you. "(screams)" And they scatter. You go in for a full attack on them?
LAURA: Yeah, sure!
MATT: All right, let's roll initiative.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh yeah!
SAM RICHARDSON: All righty!
SAM RIEGEL: Roll a d20, sir. This is our initiative roll.
TONY: Oh, me? Oh, nice, okay.
MATT: Indeed.
TALIESIN: Ugh, blue.
SAM RICHARDSON: Six. Six plus three?
TONY: Oh, I got that guy.
SAM RIEGEL: That's a natural 20, friend.
MATT: All right.
LAURA: Ooh! You got a natural 20?
TONY: Natural 20! (cheering)
SAM RIEGEL: You're probably going to be going first.
TONY: I'm going first?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, so maybe this was the wrong time to roll a natural 20. (laughter)
TALIESIN: He's going to go down the list.
SAM RIEGEL: So think about how you're going to attack.
TONY: So I attack the little guys.
SAM RIEGEL: You will. Oh, if you want.
MATT: So 20 to 15?
LAURA: 19.
SAM RIEGEL: He got a natural 20 in there.
MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: Oh. Oh, so you're-- What number are you?
TONY: I'm--
SAM RIEGEL: Sarge is probably first.
MATT: 23.
TALIESIN: 23, okay.
MATT: 15 to 10?
TALIESIN: I'm 10.
MATT: 10?
TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: All right.
TONY: How many little guys we got back there?
MATT: Four of them you see hiding in the bushes.
TALIESIN: That you see.
TONY: That I see.
MATT: Indeed. Then you got a nine, Ran?
SAM RICHARDSON: Nine.
MATT: All right, and Scanlan?
SAM RIEGEL: I got a six.
MATT: All righty.
LAURA: We rolled so good.
MATT: All righty, so--
TALIESIN: Woo!
MATT: With that, Sarge, as you see her shouting out, "They're hiding!" They all "(yells)" start to scatter out, grabbing whatever tools are nearby, you have the jump on them. What do you want to do?
TONY: Yep. I'm going to take my blowgun.
MATT: Mm-hmm.
TONY: With my darts. I'm going to go (whooshing). I got two darts in here, two poisonous darts.
MATT: Okay, okay. (laughter)
TONY: They're poisonous. (laughter)
TALIESIN: Don't breathe in.
SAM RICHARDSON: Yeah, careful.
TONY: Because this is D&D. (laughter)
TONY: I'm going to go (whooshes) to two of them.
MATT: You got it.
TONY: And whatever happens against my roll.
MATT: So roll your d20 twice, and then add your attack modifier, which I think is six.
TONY: Okay. I roll this twice?
MATT: Yep, roll that twice and add six to each.
TONY: 18.
LAURA: Nice!
MATT: 24, great! And the other?
TONY: And the other is 17!
ALL: Oh!
MATT: Good opening round! Okay! So two of them as they're running away, they both take, I think it's four damage it says for your blow dart? Right?
LAURA: Yes.
SAM RIEGEL: It'll say next to the blow dart.
TONY: Oh, four. Yeah, four.
MATT: So they both take four damage, and because they're poisoned, they have to make a saving throw to see if they become poisoned themselves. Ah, nope, that's going to be a failure. An eight, and a seven. So both of them "(shriek)" fall to their knees and they start coughing, clutching their neck and there's black sputtering out of their jaws as they're like "(sputtering)." Starting to get anxious and nervous while the other two look back and "(shrieking)" pull out their weapons.
LAURA: Whoa!
MATT: Oh!
SAM RICHARDSON: Mm!
MATT: But they're still backing up a little bit. So great, yeah, both blow dart shots.
TONY: So are those two pretty much out of the game?
MATT: For the time being, they seem to be not doing well, but who knows if they'll recover?
TONY: Yep, yep.
MATT: Do you want to get closer or do you want to stay put where you are?
TONY: I think I'll stay put where I am.
MATT: Okay, cool, so that finishes your go. Great. Bramble, you're up.
LAURA: I would like to rage!
MATT: All right. (laughter)
MATT: Describe how Bramble rages for me, please.
LAURA: (screams) Her wings glow and they start to flutter really fast. Her hair, which is normally an orange-ish yellow, fires up to a reddish color.
TONY: Mm.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: She's going to charge down with furious wings at the little dude in front of her.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: She's going to hit with her axe first.
MATT: Go for it. Roll for your attack with your axe, and then roll with your other weapon, if you'd like.
LAURA: Okay. I can add. 12.
MATT: 12 just hits.
LAURA: Oh, sweet! Okay.
TONY: (laughs)
LAURA: Then I'm following it up with my sword attack on them.
MATT: Go for it.
LAURA: Jeez Louise, I suck! Nine! Doesn't hit.
MATT: Nine does not hit, no.
LAURA: But I'll roll for--
MATT: This is one of the ones that wasn't blow darted, correct?
LAURA: This is one of the ones that was not blow darted.
MATT: You got it.
LAURA: I don't know why I-- Okay, wait, a d10 because I'm raging.
MATT: Correct.
LAURA: Okay, 11 points of slashing damage with my battleaxe.
MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: (laughs)
LAURA: Then I'm going to fly away.
MATT: Okay. You immediately go with your battleaxe and your sword. The sword goes wide on the second strike because the battleaxe just smears this kobold.
LAURA: Oh, sweet.
MATT: It's like, "(screams)" (splattering) and gets splattered against the tree behind. The one next to it is like (splats) "(whimpers)."
LAURA: Oh sweet, that means I get another attack!
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Right? If I knock somebody out, I get to attack again.
MATT: Do you have an ability that lets you do that?
LAURA: Isn't that a barbarian thing?
SAM and SAM: (laugh)
MATT: No.
SAM RIEGEL: No.
MATT: That's a feat ability. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: That sounds cool, though!
MATT: That is cool. There are feats and abilities that can do that, but if you--
LAURA: That was what Grog used to do, so that's why I thought it was a thing.
MATT: Yeah, because he had the feat.
TALIESIN: He's special.
LAURA: I see.
MATT: But that's okay.
LAURA: (screams)
MATT: "(screams)" (whooshes) Fly back into the air, this blood smear on the front of you. (growling) Just this nightmare faerie pulling back into the jungle.
TONY: Wow.
MATT: Great. That finishes your turn. It's now their turn. The two that are on the ground coughing look up and you see the black dripping from their jaws. One of them picks up its sling and goes "(grunts)." (whooshes) It's going to go fling it towards you.
TONY: I'm going to turn.
MATT: Mm-hmm.
TONY: It's going to bounce off the platinum drums.
MATT: It just might. We'll see.
LAURA: Ooh!
MATT: That's going to be a total of 16 to hit. What's your armor class?
SAM RIEGEL: So your armor class looks like a shield right there.
TONY: Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I--
SAM RIEGEL: Just say what it is.
MATT: What is it?
TONY: My armor class is 17.
MATT: 17. So yeah, rolled a 16, so it does miss. So indeed you spin and it, (bong) bounces off the drum with a heavy (thuds) sound.
TONY: Yeah!
SAM RIEGEL: Cool fill! That's a cool fill!
TONY: Yeah! Thunder! (laughter)
MATT: He goes, "(yips)" and is going to dart backwards. The other one that's currently still sputtering--
TONY: Does it hit that guy? Does it bounce back and hit him?
MATT: It doesn't quite, though it hits the ground nearby. The other one's going to grab a dagger and "(grunts)" lob it at you again because it doesn't like being blasted with that. That's going to be a 14 to hit. That also misses. So you're using the drum to defend yourself and darting through the bushes. Both of their attacks go wide. No impact.
TONY: Okay.
MATT: The one, you had killed one of them, and the other one that was preparing itself as you darted away can't quite get into range. So it's going to take it sling and swing it. The one that's probably going to be nearest, and most visible, will be the humans, because everyone else is a little more short. It's going to (whooshes) and unleash that towards you.
LAURA: (laughs)
MATT: That will be, that's a natural 20. So that is a critical hit against you.
LAURA and TALIESIN: Oh!
MATT: So in your confident eye of watching most of this troop immediately scatter, one of them gets a lucky shot that pings you right between the eyes, right in the forehead with a heavy (impact), your vision goes white for second.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT: You take... Still didn't roll very good, though. Six points of damage.
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh.
SAM RICHARDSON: Ouch. (laughter)
MATT: "(cackles)"
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, whoa! Nobody hits me in my-- sorry-- (British) Nobody hits me in my face and lives to tell about it. (laughter)
TALIESIN: Nobody hits me in my face.
MATT: The kobold that hit you (laughs)--
TALIESIN: So you pull six out of that.
MATT: -- cackles in your direction.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, that's right, yeah.
MATT: All right, Bobby, you're up, with Ran on deck. So what are you going to do, Bobby?
TALIESIN: Okay, oh, I'm super confused because there's too many options. I'm going to look in my book and see if there's anything local that I can use. Oh, there is a particular type of thorn vine that grows in this area. I'm going to cast Entangle, and I'm going to attempt to entangle the creatures that are trying to run away from us right now.
MATT: You got it. All righty.
TALIESIN: So let's--
MATT: That's a dexterity saving throw, I believe.
TALIESIN: Yeah, it's a "creature in the area casts a spell," strength saving throw.
MATT: Oh, strength. You got it, all right, so the three that are remaining are going to make that. I'm not even joking: natural 16, natural 19, and natural 20.
LAURA: Oh!
MATT: All three of them resist the Entangle. That was real lucky.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh my god!
TALIESIN: Oh, fish sticks! (laughter)
MATT: But the ground around them is now difficult terrain. You watch as all the vines and ferns around start overgrowing and becoming this dangerous to traverse space. They're not entangled in it yet, but yes. So you want to stay put or do you want to move in?
TALIESIN: I'm actually, I'm going to run over and get ready to help Mr. Ran, in case anything goes wrong.
MATT: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: That's kind. Thank you.
TALIESIN: Yeah!
MATT: Okay, and Ran, it's your turn.
SAM RICHARDSON: Rub my head, (laughs) very angrily, and prepare to cast an Eldritch Blast--
MATT: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: -- at a distance.
MATT: Use your two blasts, so you can shoot two different ones or one twice?
SAM RICHARDSON: I'll try to-- I'm going to blast the one who hit me.
MATT: Okay, so go roll for that attack.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay.
MATT: That plus six as your modifier.
SAM RICHARDSON: It's a five. Yeah, so 11.
MATT: 11, 11 just misses. You fire the first one and you figure your eyes are still a little wonky and you're seeing a lot more than are there as their vision's blurring. You fire the first blast and it slams into the nearby tree and, splinters nearby. Then the kobold was laughing and he goes, "(laughs) (squeals)" and starts freaking out as you can attack again with your second bolt, if you like.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh yes. First one, that was just a warning that this is coming. 18 plus six.
MATT: That'll hit, so roll damage.
SAM RICHARDSON: Ah, 24.
MATT: Hell yeah. Dead on as this one it's, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. (splat) You fire it forward. Go ahead and roll the damage on that one, which I think is a 10-sided dice, plus three.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on! Come on!
SAM RICHARDSON: Four plus-- seven.
MATT: Seven points of damage. That that will cause him to, the impact hits, you see him tense up and opens his eyes. "(cackles)"
SAM RIEGEL: Oh my god.
MATT: He has this massive hole in his chest. (laughter)
TONY: Wow.
MATT: "(gurgles)" (oohing)
MATT: Crumples to the ground.
SAM RICHARDSON: And especially no one laughs at me. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: So cool.
MATT: So two of them have been destroyed and the two that are still standing are barely standing poisoned by the--
TONY: That's right.
MATT: -- blow darts. That brings us to Scanlan.
SAM RIEGEL: Do they seem still a threat or should we?
MATT: They're both on death's door.
SAM RIEGEL: On death's door. I feel bad about this. They're just little guys.
MATT: Then what do you want to do?
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, I will then as an action--
LAURA: Destroy them! (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: I just can't, I just can't. I'm going to go over, I'm going to talk to them.
MATT: Okay. So as they're getting up and trying to grab their utensils and tools and stuff--
SAM RIEGEL: Hey, hey, hey, I-- Oy!
SAM RICHARDSON: Very good, very good.
SAM RIEGEL: Oy! (like Ran) You don't want to fight us anymore.
MATT: Are you attempting to persuade them or intimidate?
SAM RIEGEL: I'll cast Suggestion.
MATT: Okay. Okay.
SAM RIEGEL: I cast Suggestion. (like Ran) You don't want to be fighting us anymore, huh?
SAM RICHARDSON: That's very good, mate, very good.
MATT: All right, so one of them. You target, oh that's a natural five. One of them is like, "(grunts)"
SAM RIEGEL: Wow, the accent really works.
SAM RICHARDSON: It works every time.
SAM RIEGEL: Wow!
MATT: -- takes its weapons and throws them to the ground and looks at you like.
TONY: Wow.
SAM RIEGEL: Hey, look at that.
MATT: The other one goes, "(yells)" Is going to grab its stuff and it looks like it's getting ready to run.
SAM RIEGEL: Then as a bonus action, can I inspire now, too, or is that a--
MATT: As a bonus action you can, yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, cool. I will also, as a bonus action, I will turn to my fellow handsome charmer over here and I will inspire him. So I will give you some extra points you can use on your next turn.
MATT: How do you inspire him?
SAM RIEGEL: I will sing to him.
TONY: Oh, nice.
SAM RIEGEL: I will sing a classic song where I'm from. ("Silver Bells") ♪ Richardson ♪
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: ♪ Richardson ♪ ♪ It's Ranthiel time in the city ♪ (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, that's it.
MATT: All right, so you have a, is it a d6?
SAM RIEGEL: It's a d8.
MATT: A d8 at this level.
LAURA: What?
MATT: All right.
SAM RIEGEL: That's what it says.
MATT: So you have an eight-sided die--
LAURA: What?
MATT: -- that you keep to the side.
SAM RIEGEL: This early, I know. I don't understand.
MATT: Whenever you have to make an attack roll--
SAM RIEGEL: That's what it says! It can't be. It can't be.
MATT: -- or an ability check, you can--
LAURA: Used to give us sixes.
MATT: -- add that dice to do it, if you feel like it needs the bonus.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay.
MATT: So it's a little thing that sits in the wings until you want to use it.
SAM RICHARDSON: Gotcha.
SAM RIEGEL: I don't know.
MATT: All right. That finishes your turn, Scanlan.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes.
MATT: Sarge, you're up. One of them seems to have thrown its weapons down and the other one is gathering its equipment and about to run. What do you want to do?
TONY: What do I want to do?
MATT: Yeah.
TONY: I, what do I want to do? I think-- I'm an acrobat, so I am going to do some flips.
LAURA: (laughs)
MATT: Okay.
TONY: And get in front of him.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: And stop him.
MATT: Fantastic, make an acrobatics check for me. So roll your d20.
TONY: Do I got to do a check for that?
MATT: Yeah, add your acrobatics skill.
TONY: So acrobatics skill. Got it. Nine, plus.
SAM RIEGEL: Was that a nine or--
TONY: It's a nine, plus, okay in acrobatics--
LAURA: Oh nice.
TONY: -- plus six.
MATT: Plus six? That's 15, that's great.
SAM RIEGEL: Hey! That's great!
MATT: Okay, so there's enough clustered trees around you that you can look up and dart off to the side, parkouring off one end, leaping onto a secondary branch, leaping and spinning in the air, doing a backhand spring as you impact on the softer part of the jungle floor. Then land right in front of this kobold that's about to flee. It turns, "(squeals)" and sees you surprised in its face. Looks back to where you were, looks where you are. It looks spooked that you're suddenly where it was trying to escape.
TONY: I've noticed he's not looking at me, he's looking at the apple. There's something about the apple--
MATT: Yeah.
TONY: -- that he's more interested in than me. (laughter)
MATT: Yeah.
TONY: So yeah. So I immediately am concerned. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: You're using your turn to worry? (laughter)
TONY: So I need to roll for how worried I am. (laughter)
MATT: No, no, you can just worry--
TALIESIN: Roll for bladder.
MATT: I will say as you keep it from leaving, the fog that has rolled in, the mists that have swallowed here, that cold sensation runs down your back once more. You swear you see a shape moving through the mists. It almost looks like a face or a person, but then it's there and it's gone.
LAURA: Oh, those mists.
TONY: It's a face I recognize.
MATT: It is a face you recognize.
SAM RIEGEL: (gasps)
TONY: Yeah. It's a face I recognize from many years working with this face. Do I say what I think it is.
MATT: That's the end of your turn. You've just now recognized them.
TONY: Okay.
MATT: And now we move on in the combat to...
TONY: Okay.
MATT: Bramble's go.
LAURA: Ah!
SAM RIEGEL: Bramble.
LAURA: Yes, I'm going to fly down in front of Sarge and land on this little creature's head. I'm going to take my sword and try to stab it down into his head. (laughter)
MATT: All righty, roll your attack with the sword. This kobold stops and looks up at you--
LAURA: Jesus, why do I decide to-- I'm getting rid of this dice for now. That is four plus something.
SAM RIEGEL: Ugh.
LAURA: Yeah, I know, dude. It's 11. It's not going to hit.
MATT: It just misses.
LAURA: Oh, it makes me so mad!
MATT: You dive down and hit the dirt next to it and the ground and the kobold's "(squeals)" and screams--
LAURA: I'm going to take my battleaxe and swing it around and try to chop his legs at the bottom.
MATT: Go for it. (laughter)
LAURA: Okay! That's a 19 plus.
MATT: That'll hit.
LAURA: Okay, okay.
MATT: So roll damage on that.
LAURA: So d10 plus, so eight points of damage--
MATT: All righty.
LAURA: -- on his ankles.
MATT: On his ankles, that'll take him out. As you (swishing) you take off the legs. He falls to the ground. "(squeals)" Screams at the space--
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT: -- where its legs once were.
LAURA: Hey, I liked your jumping.
TONY: Thank you very much, I appreciate it.
SAM and SAM: (laugh)
MATT: So the only one that's standing is the one that threw its weapons on the ground, and it's still staring at you, Scanlan.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh! Oh no, he's our friend.
SAM RICHARDSON: Stop looking at your phone, Scanlan.
SAM RIEGEL: He's our friend, he's our friend.
MATT: Well, he's no longer fighting.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay. Just settle down now. (like Ran) Settle down now.
SAM RICHARDSON: Very good.
SAM RIEGEL: What-- Are you with anyone? Do you work for anyone?
SAM RICHARDSON: Very good. It's getting very good.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh no. Does he not speak Common? (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh no.
MATT: He glances at you for a second.
SAM RIEGEL: Do you speak Gnomish?
MATT: "(garbles)"
SAM RIEGEL: Oh no, he doesn't speak my language.
MATT: "I speak!"
LAURA: Oh!
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, he does! He just has a really strong accent, see? Like me!
MATT: "We both do!"
SAM RIEGEL: We both have accents.
MATT: "Yeah."
TONY: Okay, it's Gollum.
SAM RIEGEL: Do you work for--
LAURA: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: (like Ran) Do you work for anyone else? Is there any--
MATT: "No! We just wanted to get people stuck in our lassos."
SAM RIEGEL: Then run away. What are we doing with this?
MATT: "You killed my friends!"
SAM RIEGEL: Well, they tried to--
SAM RICHARDSON: You hit me in the head, mate.
LAURA: Well, you shouldn't have set up an ambush!
TONY: What are you protecting?
MATT: "Nothing, we were bored."
SAM RICHARDSON: Well, lesson learned, eh?
TONY: Sorry about your friends.
MATT: "Apparently!"
SAM and SAM: (laugh)
MATT: "My apologies."
SAM RIEGEL: Well, then run off and--
MATT: "Okay."
SAM RIEGEL: -- learn your lesson, then.
MATT: Picks up his stuff.
SAM RICHARDSON: Leave the vegetables.
MATT: "Okay. Fair trade, I guess." (laughter)
MATT: Goes and empties the pockets of all the bodies of his friends and fills the stuff.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT: Spits on one of them. "I didn't like him anyway." (laughter)
MATT: Then darts off into the rest of the jungle. The apple's still thrumming into your chest, as you glance over into the nearby mists that surround you and you see it, it's like the shade of a person walks through and catches your eye and then disappears into the mist.
TONY: All right. Remember I told you that guy? Am I allowed to speak?
MATT: Mm-hmm.
SAM RIEGEL: You can say your-- We're all among friends here.
TONY: (laughs) Do you remember?
LAURA: Are you scared of us?
TONY: Do you remember how I told you that I knew the person who did the crime that I was blamed for.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, you revealed all of your secrets really quickly and easily. We didn't even ask.
TONY: Listen, I'm a little too vulnerable. (laughter)
TONY: I'm an open wound. That's the guy.
LAURA: What guy?
SAM RIEGEL: Wait, what?
TONY: The face that just walked by.
LAURA: Did we see the face?
TONY: I saw the face.
MATT: Yeah.
LAURA: Did we see the face?
MATT: If you want to make a perception check.
SAM RICHARDSON: You a bit feverish, mate?
TONY: It's a little terrifying.
LAURA: 17.
MATT: 17, you look around the mists as they roll and push through this area. Now that it's later in the afternoon as well, the mists are quite thick, and you do see almost the shape of a person moving through like it's circling around.
LAURA: (gasps)
MATT: And begin to hear a (breathing). "Sarge."
LAURA: What?! (gasps)
TONY: Did you hear that?
LAURA: I did.
SAM RIEGEL: I couldn't make it out.
TONY: It's my name.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, it's Sarge. (laughter)
TONY: That's my name.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, so there's a ghostly--
LAURA: I'm going to land on your shoulder. Wait, you have a ghost after you?
TONY: Yeah.
LAURA: Wait, so he's dead?
TONY: Yeah. Oh, wait. (laughs) Yes, yes. No, no.
LAURA: I don't understand. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm a little bit confused myself.
SAM RIEGEL: You know what? Let's just keep investigating. Maybe the answer will present itself to us. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: I think the answer will present itself to us.
TONY: Let me back up.
LAURA: Yeah.
TONY: Okay. Do you remember how I said that the guy who did the murder, right?
LAURA: Mm.
TONY: I thought it was him. Not him.
LAURA: No, okay.
TONY: No, no. The person murdered, that's who it was.
LAURA: That you saw?
TONY: That's the town person.
SAM RIEGEL: Are you sure about that? You know what? Maybe don't go on record yet until we actually see.
TALIESIN: I can see why they didn't believe your alibi.
LAURA: Did you actually kill the guy?
SAM RICHARDSON: Seems like it, man.
TONY: I didn't kill him, no. I was a scapegoat in all this.
SAM RIEGEL: A skateboard?
TONY: I was a scapegoat of all-- (laughter)
TONY: I'm a scapegoat--
TALIESIN: Insight check. (laughter)
TALIESIN: Insight check.
TONY: The truth is, I'm a skateboard. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: You're so cool now.
TALIESIN: I'm calling an insight check. Can I call an insight check? (laughter)
TONY: I want to be completely open with you all.
MATT: Sure!
TALIESIN: 16.
SAM RIEGEL: So you do kick flips and stuff?
TONY: Yeah, listen.
TALIESIN: 19, 19 insight check.
MATT: He believes it.
TONY: Thank you.
TALIESIN: He's not a skateboard. I'm pretty sure he's not a skateboard.
TONY: You got to understand, guys, I've been through a lot and I'm really traumatized.
LAURA: Yeah, it sounds like so much.
TONY: I have been on the run.
TALIESIN: Traumatized.
TONY: So I thought it was my enemy. Now I'm realizing that's the guy that they killed and I think he's haunting me, well, thinking that (laughs) he's coming after--
SAM RIEGEL: Again, I feel like you should just--
MATT: You hear the spectral voice go through the mists like, "As clarification--" (laughter)
MATT: "Was a little bit closer to what occurred."
TONY: I think we need to put all our cards on the table. (laughter)
TONY: Really be honest.
LAURA: Okay.
TONY: So that's what's happening.
SAM RIEGEL: Are we all sharing backstory now, is that--
TONY: Please, it would make me feel a lot better. (laughter)
TONY: So all that to say that was terrifying.
LAURA: Yeah. No, that looked terrifying.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
LAURA: You seem terrified.
SAM RIEGEL: I mean, you drummed with a little bit of nervousness that I haven't heard yet.
TONY: I mean, did you guys not hear, "(ghostly) Sarge."
LAURA: No, we heard that.
SAM RICHARDSON: We all heard that, yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: So should we go attack it or find it, or--?
TONY: I don't think you can because--
LAURA: It's a dead guy.
TONY: It's a dead guy, it's a spirit.
LAURA: Look, spirits are--
TONY: However, I see the-- I think that it went in that direction.
SAM RIEGEL: Hey, we are the Glorious Ones.
SAM RICHARDSON: And we GO.
LAURA: Is Ligeia still with us?
MATT: You watch her emerge from nearby and goes, "Is it safe to come out now?"
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm sorry about that, Ligeia.
MATT: "I felt like it was so scary."
SAM RICHARDSON: We've been quite distracted.
TALIESIN: You should wear like a bell or something.
TONY: (laughs) Exactly.
LAURA: What are we doing? Are we supposed to save your sister still?
MATT: "Right, that's what I'm trying to you help you."
SAM RICHARDSON: We should get moving, eh? (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: There's lots of distractions in these woods.
SAM RICHARDSON: We're a distracted bunch, aren't we? (laughter)
TONY: That's right.
TALIESIN: There's a lot going on.
MATT: "Right down this path."
SAM RIEGEL: Oh great.
MATT: "We're not too far from the coast."
SAM RIEGEL: All right.
TALIESIN: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, look a flower.
SAM RIEGEL: No, no!
SAM RICHARDSON: Gather 'round, let's look at it.
SAM RIEGEL: Please. (laughter)
TONY: Put it around your neck.
TALIESIN: Mr. Ran, if I can just do one thing. I go into my pack and I pull out a little bandage and some, what might be Bactine, we don't know. It's fantasy Bactine. I put it on, and I say: Here. And I put it right on the wound that you had right there. And it is a unicorn bandage, but it's still good.
SAM RICHARDSON: Still handsome.
TALIESIN: It works. I'm going to use that to cast Cure Wounds. So you get-- (laughter)
TALIESIN: Eh, it's pretty good. Six plus my spellcasting ability modifier. Nine points of healing.
SAM RIEGEL: He's full.
TALIESIN: You're back up to normal.
SAM RICHARDSON: Back to 29.
LAURA: Wow.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
TONY: That's nice.
TALIESIN: It's the unicorns. They really do it.
LAURA: I fly in front of your face.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
LAURA: The bandage really sets off your eyes.
SAM RICHARDSON: Ah, thank you. (laughter)
LAURA: Do you want to step into the woods? I'm available.
SAM RICHARDSON: I don't not want to, but also we really should focus.
LAURA: Right.
SAM RIEGEL: Also, there's a ghost in the woods.
SAM RICHARDSON: That's right.
LAURA: Hey, ghosts are fine. I saw ghosts all the time.
SAM RICHARDSON: The more, the merrier.
TONY: For clarification, the ghost of the person killed. (laughter)
MATT: "Is there something going on?"
SAM RICHARDSON: No.
LAURA: Yeah, we're dating.
SAM RICHARDSON: We are not dating.
LAURA: He's my boyfriend.
SAM RICHARDSON: She's not my girlfriend.
LAURA: Yes, I am.
TALIESIN: He's too cool to--
SAM RICHARDSON: I really want to see where this goes.
LAURA: He's in love with me.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm not in love. We have a situation-ship.
LAURA: He's not not in love.
MATT: "We can discuss it later, I suppose. Let's get moving."
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, yes, your sister.
TALIESIN: I wish I could find a girl like that.
MATT: Pushing through the mists, you can hear the sounds--
SAM RIEGEL: Not going to happen, dude.
MATT: -- of the nearby waves beginning to crash louder and louder as you approach the outskirts of the coastal region of this island. Eventually the thick jungle brush begins to give way to sand and rock, and you begin to see the very edges of the ocean crashing upon the beach shores.
TONY: I love the beach.
MATT: She begins to walk onto the right-hand side of the cliffs that rise up alongside this beach that mark the edge of the island, gliding you over to that area. You can still feel that golden thrum of the apple. "Do not worry, I will grant you all you need. Protection and power is yours, should you take it."
TONY: That's so nice. Everybody needs one of these.
LAURA: I know, that's what I'm saying. Give me a fucking bite.
MATT: Following on, eventually you come to the edge of this massive seaside cave entrance. You can see there's other smaller caves, but there's this massive opening that curves over like an arch where the ocean inlet pulls in, like a lagoon that's hidden within the cave. She turns around, Ligeia. "We're not far from where we saw the ship." You see another shape begin to emerge from the mist. It looks like another young woman, not different from her size. Looks out and goes, "Sister, is that you?"
LAURA and TONY: (gasp)
MATT: She goes, (Ligeia) "(gasps) sister." You see another woman appear from one of the other seaside caves nearby looking like her as well, redheaded. Then we see the other sister arrives, a dark auburn coloration with a bit of a blonde highlight. As they step out, the sister goes, "You must come help us. The ship, bad people are in the cave."
LAURA: Insight. Terrible, terrible.
TONY: Yeah, we're dealing with mental illness right now.
MATT: So both of you make insight checks for me please. So roll d20s and add your insight.
TONY: I don't even know if I need to roll for that.
LAURA: 15.
MATT and TONY: 15.
TONY: I'm doing--
TONY and SAM RIEGEL: Insight.
TONY: Okay. I rolled a 10, no, 16.
SAM RIEGEL: That's a 16.
TONY: (laughs)
LAURA: 16 plus anything?
TALIESIN: Been there, too.
LAURA: Plus five.
TONY: Plus five, that's 21.
MATT: 21. It's hard to tell. They all seem pretty earnest. You, one, you watch as they walk, another one of them stumbles a moment and catches themself.
TONY: Okay.
MATT: For a brief moment, the youth and beauty on their face seems to shimmer away and there's something sinister that lies beneath the face of one of the other, the sister, the third figure that approaches. She goes, "My mother and sister appear to be safe, but the bad men are in the cave. Come, we must stop them."
LAURA: We got to stop the bad men.
TONY: I don't think so.
LAURA: No, they're telling the truth.
TONY: (laughs) (laughter)
TONY: Didn't you just make an insight?
LAURA: I did, I failed it.
TONY: Oh! (laughter)
TONY: I'm really questioning the truth here. (laughter)
MATT: "Come, please. You've agreed to help me, haven't you, handsome men?"
SAM RICHARDSON: I did. Oh, she's so beautiful. I think we should go.
SAM RIEGEL: Wait, wait, hold on. I always follow my band mates.
TONY: Thank you. Did you notice the face starting to change?
SAM RIEGEL: I did not.
SAM RICHARDSON: Did not see it.
SAM RIEGEL: I was looking at Ran to copy some of his moves.
TALIESIN: She's cool.
SAM RIEGEL: He does the thing with his shoulders, it's really cool.
TALIESIN: She's cool, she clearly knows what she's talking about.
LAURA: Oh, I thought you were pointing-- You were pointing at me?
TALIESIN: Yeah, you keep moving, it's really hard to point at you.
SAM RIEGEL: But if you saw something, then--
TONY: I saw their face-- I saw two faces change. By the way, she said one sister. Did you notice four or five of the same being came out? We're dealing with severe mental illness.
SAM RICHARDSON: She said "mother." She did say it's her mom.
LAURA: Yeah, she did say mom, and then she said sister.
TONY: But also, can we also say that she said: "I'm trying to find my sister," way back. Now she's like, "There's my sister." There was no reunion. There was no excitement.
LAURA: Yeah, but the bad men are in the cave. We should just go in the cave.
SAM RICHARDSON: I agree. Plus I want to get those--
TONY: But she was looking for her sister.
SAM RIEGEL: Maybe we can draw them out somehow.
MATT: The ghost seems to pour out from the mists behind you. You feel a cold touch on your shoulder as the voice says--
TONY: Have you guys not seen every horror movie? (laughs)
MATT: (ghostly) "Avenge me."
SAM RICHARDSON: What is a movie? (laughter)
MATT: "Avenge me, Sarge."
TONY: Okay, I've got an idea. I'm going to stay outside with the apple.
SAM RIEGEL: Alone!?
TONY: I think so.
LAURA: There's ghosts! There's a ghost behind you right now.
MATT: The sister that's arrived has fanned around to one side and stepped into the water and you can see her steps get more confident amongst the waves. The mother from behind also steps in and you watch as they all look towards you with these sad, wide eyes.
LAURA: Oh, they're so sad!
SAM RICHARDSON: They're so sad.
LAURA: I mean, I don't like that one. But the mom and the sister seem cool.
TALIESIN: They do seem cool.
TONY: I don't know what I need to do--
SAM RIEGEL: I don't either.
TONY: -- to convince you guys.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm convinced. But what, are we running? Are we drawing them out? Can someone be bait?
LAURA: Bad guys are in the cave.
TALIESIN: I'm flipping through my guidebook of interesting animals.
MATT: "Sister, they're talking so much, we don't have time."
TONY: Wait, I have a question.
MATT: The girl who brought you here, Ligeia, looks a bit frustrated at the rest of your troop and, "It's all right, they're quite capable, and I think--" and you watch her drop her shoulders.
SAM RIEGEL: Ligeia.
MATT: "Curse this. We likely only need the blood of one of them, I need not to suffer any further fools than required."
SAM RIEGEL: You!
MATT: You watch as all of them, their image shifts slightly.
TONY: She Tom Cruise-d it.
MATT: You watch as this dark and twisted, elongated merfolk-like appearance emerges from the illusion.
TONY: Mm.
MATT: The mother one in the back goes "(ritualistic chanting)" and is going to--
TONY: Yeah.
LAURA: Ruh-roh.
MATT: I need the three closest-- I'm going to roll to see.
SAM RICHARDSON: We've been catfished it seems.
MATT: All right, so it's going to be Bobby and--
TALIESIN: Ah!
MATT: Bobby and Ran, I need you both to make wisdom saving throws for me, please.
TALIESIN and SAM RICHARDSON: Okay.
LAURA: Fight it, Ran.
SAM RICHARDSON: It's a d20, yeah?
LAURA: Fight it!
MATT: Yeah, d20 and add your wisdom saving throw.
SAM RIEGEL: Ran, I got to say, you have terrible taste in women.
LAURA: Hey!
SAM RICHARDSON: It wouldn't be the first time I've heard that.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah!
LAURA: Scanlan!
SAM RICHARDSON: 19.
MATT: Woo, nice.
LAURA: I'm hot!
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs) You're wearing a dead rat as a smock.
TALIESIN: 11.
TALIESIN and MATT: 11.
TALIESIN: I know it sounded like I had more to say, but-- (laughter)
MATT: All right. As this incantation leaves the lips, Ligeia growling in your direction, you feel this magical influence begin to try and curl its way past your mind. Your eyes instinctually begin to blink and tense, but you shrug it off, your willpower too strong. As all three of them begin to run into the cavern. Along with Bobby, who goes into a sprint after them.
LAURA: (gasps) Uh-oh!
TALIESIN: Oh yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh no.
MATT: You are dominated and charmed.
TALIESIN: I'm dominated and charmed? Oh.
SAM RIEGEL: His dad's going to kill me.
LAURA: They always want virgins. Let's go!
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs) He's definitely a virgin.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs) Bobby, wait! (laughter)
TALIESIN: I have a girlfriend in Emon! (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: I don't think he does. I don't think he does. (laughter)
MATT: You watch as Bobby vanishes into the mist-filled cavern alongside with the three strange siren-like women.
SAM RIEGEL: Remind me never to have kids.
SAM RICHARDSON: Well, damn.
SAM RIEGEL: Let's go.
TALIESIN and LAURA: (laugh)
SAM RICHARDSON: I've grown quite fond of him, and we probably should go after him, yeah?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, we should. All right. We're just going to charge in?
TONY: Oh! Wow. What lighting! (laughter)
TONY: Critical Role has stepped it up. (laughter)
TONY: How does it work? Can I use one of these guys?
MATT: Yeah, if you want to.
TONY: So I have Pass Without Trace.
LAURA and SAM RIEGEL: Ooh!
MATT: Okay.
TONY: So I would like to Pass Without Trace.
MATT: All right. (laughter)
MATT: So you spend your action--
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: -- to cast the spell. Describe how you darken the shadows around you. How do you magically make the area easier for you all to pass unseen?
TONY: Okay, on here?
MATT: Well, just tell me.
TONY: Oh, I just tell you.
MATT: Describe how your magic works.
TONY: How my magic works. Okay. Oh, that's right, it's magic I have.
MATT: Yeah.
TONY: Okay. Well, it's with my drums.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay.
MATT: Mm.
TONY: There's a certain beat that I do that involves the use of a pen and a hand. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: You don't use drumsticks for anything?
TONY: Oh, how dare you? (laughter)
TONY: So, it's a three-two-three beat.
SAM RIEGEL: Uh-huh.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: So I'll go-- (drumming rhythmically)
LAURA: God, I feel so stealthy now.
SAM, SAM, and MATT: (laugh)
TONY: That's how the shadows begin to do their magic.
MATT: Now, it's wild, the rhythm, as it impacts, it reverberates around you, and it's like the very crevices where the light doesn't quite meet the interior of this cavern, extend and surround you, and the drumming sound muffles outside of 10 feet from where it's coming from to the point where it's now absolutely silent to anybody beyond where the group of you are walking.
LAURA: That's awesome.
MATT: But as you all carefully and quietly begin to move through the rhythmic drumming, keeping you safe from being noticed, likely. I need all of you to make stealth checks for me.
SAM RIEGEL: Stealth check.
SAM RICHARDSON: Stealth check.
MATT: So roll a d20.
SAM RIEGEL: You're going to roll, you're going to add stealth, and then you're going to add 10 more.
MATT: 10 to it.
LAURA: Whoa! Nice.
MATT: Because of your spell.
SAM RICHARDSON: Then add stealth, okay.
TONY: Okay. So I got 11.
SAM RICHARDSON: Ooh, 14.
TONY: So nine, two--
SAM RICHARDSON: I add three--
MATT: So that's 11, and then because of that spell that you cast--
SAM RICHARDSON: So it's 21.
MATT: -- everyone gets to add plus 10 to it. So that's 21 for you, awesome.
TALIESIN: Pass Without a Trace is so awesome.
MATT: What do you got, Bobby?
TALIESIN: Am I getting this? I thought I was dominated.
MATT: Oh no, that's right. You're not there.
SAM RICHARDSON: You're in there.
MATT: You're the one, sorry.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm at 17.
MATT: 17, all righty.
LAURA: Ooh, that was a bad roll.
TONY: I do this number plus 10?
SAM RIEGEL: That number plus 10 plus your stealth.
TONY: Oh, sweet. So I have 24 plus three, so 27.
MATT: Ooh, 27, all righty.
SAM RIEGEL: Damn!
LAURA: 30.
SAM RIEGEL and SAM RICHARDSON: Ooh!
TONY: Oh snap!
MATT: All righty. So here under cover of drumbeat, you slowly push into the seaside cavern. Now, the waters of the ocean are pushing in and out of here. It is about knee-high or so. So the smaller folk, it's about waist and chest high as you wade through, the drumbeat keeping you quiet as you push. The cavern continues to shift around and loop into a darker region where you have no light source. Does anybody have a means of crafting light to see where you're going?
SAM RICHARDSON: I do have a torch actually, don't I?
LAURA: You have a torch?
SAM RICHARDSON: Uh-huh.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: Yeah, you do.
SAM RICHARDSON: I've got three torches actually.
TONY: (laughs)
MATT: Hell yeah. So you light a torch, (flames roar) light it up.
SAM RICHARDSON: (magical buzz) (flames roar) (laughter)
MATT: It's effective. All right. Leading the slow crawl charge as you go through the winding cavern, eventually you can hear the distant echoes of scratchy female voices chanting together. Following through the darkness begins to give off its own soft light. You curl into the exit of this maze-like area. As you're moving, you hear this cracking sound that echoes, but is muffled offsite. You move into this massive chamber, that is dark except for the water. As you shift through, the plankton within seems to glow with each bit of movement and gives off this very soft ambient glow as soon as you trek through it. Within the chamber, you can see where a bit of a small landmass emerges from the middle of it. Then a much larger landmass fills the back-end of the cavern. The smaller one, you can see the three women who are now in their true form have fish tails and are wading through the water with spines coming out of their skin.
LAURA: Evil.
MATT: Their mouths widely pulled back with sharpened teeth--
TONY: That's what I saw. That's what I saw.
MATT: -- and scraggly hair. As they chant and shift through the waters here, you can see there are these three altars that are built out of collected and piled stone that emerge from the water, one sitting on this small little bit of land that's pushing above the water line. On that altar, you see standing there, eyes wide open, is Bobby in his teenage glory, the pack that he had on his shoulder left on the ground.
LAURA: Aw.
MATT: You hear that muffled cracking noise come emanating from it.
LAURA: (gasps)
MATT: You also see--
LAURA: It's a stone.
SAM RIEGEL: The egg.
MATT: -- as they're chanting, the top of the altars are starting to glow, like glyphs of magical power are starting to thrum in movement with their chanting. As the plankton begin to give off more light as they swirl around and seem to be dancing as part of this incantation within the chamber, the light gives off the larger structure you see. There is a gargantuan, it looks like a nightmarish crab entity that is currently parked on the back end of the cave.
LAURA: Oh, no!
TONY: Ooh, it's The Witcher.
MATT: These massive claws that are tucked underneath. You can see its massive shell is a tangle of flotsam of sunken ships and spines that have grown out of it over time. There's barnacles that cover it entirely and you see where the eyes would be, they're currently sucked and pulled in. It doesn't appear to be present or conscious at the moment.
LAURA: (gasps)
MATT: But as they all begin to chant louder and louder with Bobby at the front, you can see Bobby is now standing there and filling a chalice that is on there with a cut from his hand.
LAURA: Oh, poor Bobby.
MATT: You can see there's two other chalices sitting atop these other altars. What do you do?
SAM RIEGEL: We got to get in there.
LAURA: How high are the ceilings?
MATT: The ceiling is about 35 or so feet up, 40 feet up. The shell of this creature when it's sitting is about 20 feet tall, and it's 50 feet from end to end. It is massive.
LAURA: Oh my god.
SAM RIEGEL: So we got a giant crab, we got three--
LAURA: That isn't awake yet.
SAM RICHARDSON: Three mermaid-witch-hag things.
MATT: Yeah, these siren creatures.
SAM RIEGEL: -- mermaids, Bobby spilling his blood--
MATT: Mm-hmm.
SAM RIEGEL: -- and we're all in this--
TONY: Bobby goes: Yep. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: We're all in a little bit of water.
MATT: Yes.
SAM RIEGEL: But we can go up onto land?
MATT: If you want to get to that center landmass, yeah.
LAURA: But that's where Bobby is.
MATT: That's where Bobby is.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay.
LAURA: So we have to get past the hags to get to Bobby.
MATT: But they haven't noticed your approach yet because you came in stealthily.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay. I'm going to say, I don't think we're going to beat this crab thing, so maybe it's smash and grab.
LAURA: Stop her before--
SAM RIEGEL: Do we just get Bobby and get out of here?
LAURA: Yeah, get Bobby and run.
TONY: How long does this last, this spell that we're under?
MATT: 10 minutes, I believe.
SAM RIEGEL: 10 minutes.
TONY: 10 minutes. Okay.
TALIESIN: Always a hostage, never a hero.
LAURA: What if I fly up in there--
MATT: Maybe it's for an hour. I'll check.
LAURA: -- and launch a surprise attack on them, and then we charge?
SAM RIEGEL: We could all--
SAM RICHARDSON: What if I cast myself invisible and get behind them?
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, you can go invisible?
SAM RICHARDSON: I can.
SAM RIEGEL: I can make you and me invisible also.
TONY: Okay, great.
SAM RIEGEL: Or you, or whoever needs it.
TONY: Aren't we already invisible?
SAM RIEGEL: No, we're just--
SAM RICHARDSON: No, we're quiet.
SAM RIEGEL: -- very hidden in shadows. but we're not totally invisible.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, I can make two people invisible.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, well then, we can all four of us be invisible.
SAM RICHARDSON: So let's make ourselves invisible.
SAM RIEGEL: Then we all strike at once.
LAURA: Mm-hmm.
TONY: Great.
MATT: All righty.
SAM RICHARDSON: I guess only one person needs to do it.
LAURA: Can I? Do you want me to lead the surprise?
SAM RIEGEL: But wait, who are we surprise attacking? The hag-mer, the merhag?
TONY: I think we should--
LAURA: Not the crab guy.
TONY: Not the crab.
LAURA: We should try to stop it before the crab guy gets--
TONY: I think if anybody gets the crab, you could get the crab.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'll get the crab.
LAURA: He already has it.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm a man of the night cheese, so I'll say I've got a little bit of a crab to begin with. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: What, why are you itching?
LAURA: Because I slept with him. (laughter)
MATT: You watch as the chalice-- As you're conversing, the chalice fills. As it does, the third altar begins to alight and you hear one of them say--
LAURA: We took too long!
MATT: "May the dreamer awaken in our binds. Rend the land above and punish those who do not deserve your protection!"
LAURA: Oh no!
MATT: As they all begin to glow, you can see--
LAURA: We got to go!
MATT: -- these rune carvings on the shell begin to alight in a similar reddish color of the red runes that are now bright on the altars. The shell of this creature begins to shift faintly. It's beginning to stir from its slumber. What do you do?
SAM RICHARDSON: Can I cast Counterspell--
SAM RIEGEL: It's not a spell yet, I don't think. I don't think.
MATT: It's a ritual.
SAM RICHARDSON: It's a ritual.
MATT: You could attempt to counter part of the ritual, if you'd like.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay.
TONY: It's also the same color as this, I'm noticing.
MATT: It is a coloration of it.
TONY: The same glowing that's happening there seems to be happening here.
MATT: It seems to be, yeah. Although, that one is a warmer, healthier red. This is a darker, seedier red.
TONY: Oh, okay.
SAM RIEGEL: You do you do, you do what you want to do.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm going to try and cast Counterspell to at least slow down whatever part of the ritual.
MATT: Okay, the one that's next to Bobby, you can see as it's currently standing there and finishing the chanting, as the red glow's going. Describe how you Counterspell it. What sort of physicality do you give to it?
SAM RICHARDSON: So I whirl my hands, my hands glow a blue.
TONY: Ooh! Nice.
SAM RICHARDSON: I clap them together and pull them apart. This blue light emanates between, and I push it forth like this.
MATT: As you flick the energy outward--
TONY: ♪ Let it go, let it go ♪
MATT: -- the energy wave cascades out. As it pulls outward, I'll say, roll a d20 and then add your charisma modifier to it. This will see if it's strong enough to break the ritual.
SAM RICHARDSON: Can I add this thing, too?
MATT: It is an ability check, so you can, yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: If you need it, if you need it.
SAM RICHARDSON: If I need it, yeah. So 10 plus the six charisma, so 16, and then what else am I adding to that?
MATT: Then add your dice, if you want to. If you want to.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'll save it, actually.
SAM RIEGEL: I can always give you more.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, well, let's do it then. Which is three.
MATT: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: So 19.
MATT: So 19. As the energy waves off, you watch as the chalice that had just been filled, the red glow of it suddenly sparks and goes dark. You watch as the one siren goes, "What, what?"
LAURA: Uh oh!
MATT: As the runes begin to fade, the massive crab creature falls back into its slumber and they all go, "What, what's happening?"
LAURA: Faerie Fire!
SAM RIEGEL: Oh!
MATT: Faerie Fire?
LAURA: Yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: On?
MATT: Okay, you put your hand out and currently the shadows that kept you hidden between the flick of your Counterspell light and the release of this energy, you watch as this bright energy begins to fill the space around you. What color does your Faerie Fire take?
LAURA: It's a reddish orange color.
MATT: So this bright, this soft faint rain of little glowing wisps of red and orange fall in the area, which means that it sticks to the skin of all the creatures, which it makes them glowing beacons. So as they look at themselves and glance over in the direction, they are now aware of your presence--
LAURA: Yes, but--
MATT: -- and extremely pissed off.
LAURA: All of your attacks have advantage against them now.
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh!
SAM RICHARDSON: Because surprised?
MATT: Let's roll initiative for this encounter.
SAM RIEGEL: Roll initiative.
SAM RICHARDSON: All right.
TALIESIN: Am I? I'll roll initiative for saves. Hey!
SAM RICHARDSON: Six. Plus nine, so nine again.
MATT: Nine-- (laughs) So 20 to 15, anybody?
TALIESIN: 20.
TONY: Oh wait. What was that? Where was my number?
SAM RIEGEL: 15.
LAURA: Your initiative is--
TONY: Am I adding more?
LAURA: -- right here.
TONY: It's in the middle. Okay, I got 20.
TALIESIN: Oh.
LAURA: Oh.
MATT: Great, all right, and you've probably got the higher dex.
TALIESIN: You got 20 also?
TONY: Yeah.
LAURA: Rollies!
MATT: It's a roll-off. So both of you roll a d20 and see who gets higher.
TALIESIN: Find another d20, we're doing Rollies.
TONY: Ready? 10.
TALIESIN: 11! Ha!
TONY: Hey!
MATT: So Bobby goes first.
TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: Then that'll bring us to Sarge. Then who got 15 to 10?
SAM RIEGEL: 15.
MATT: All right, Scanlan.
LAURA: 10.
MATT: All righty, and that brings us to Bramble. All right, and then Ran.
SAM RICHARDSON: Nine.
MATT: (laughs) No worries. Okay.
SAM RIEGEL: He's drunk.
SAM RICHARDSON: You see, I've had a little bit too much. (laughter)
LAURA: So you guys are still invisible, but we are not invisible.
SAM RIEGEL: Did we ever cast our invisibility?
LAURA: You cast your invisibility, but--
SAM RIEGEL: I mean, sure.
SAM RICHARDSON: We didn't cast. All this stuff happened in the middle. We were talking about it and all this stuff happened.
SAM RIEGEL: -- we never did it.
LAURA: Oh really? Okay.
TALIESIN: It seemed like a good idea at the time. (laughter)
MATT: It did, but you still have a spell slot because it wasn't cast.
SAM RICHARDSON: That's right.
LAURA: Oh, that's great.
MATT: So the top of the round, Bobby, you feel the domination drop from you as the rune in the center shatters and all of them look about confused with the concentration dropping and you suddenly have control of yourself once again.
TALIESIN: Oh, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry and you've made me angry! I am going to-- (laughter)
TALIESIN: I'm going to cast Wild Shape.
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh!
LAURA: Oh!
TALIESIN: I pull out my deck of cards, my little cards and I'm like: All right, uh, uh, uh.
LAURA: (laughs)
TALIESIN: Ah, there we go. I am going to pull and: Alpacas use spitting to defend themselves and they are gentle animals." But not today! I'm going to transform into an alpaca.
MATT: Okay, you watch as little teenage Bobby--
TALIESIN: Throw the card.
MATT: His body (whoosh) morphs and shifts into a battle alpaca.
LAURA: (laughs)
TONY: Nice.
SAM RICHARDSON: That's a good lad.
TALIESIN: (bleats) I'm going to fucking-- (laughter) I'm going to charge whoever, whatever--
MATT: Are you Circle of the Moon?
TALIESIN: I believe I am. Wait, I should be Circle of the Moon, where's my?
MATT: Because if you are, then it is a bonus action to transform and you can still take an action.
TALIESIN: No, I'm not. I'm Circle the Shepherd.
MATT: Okay, so it's an action to shapeshift but you still have a bonus action if you want to and can move.
TALIESIN: I was going to say, if I get running speed enough, is there ramming possible or not?
MATT: Not with an action unavailable.
TALIESIN: Okay, that's fair.
MATT: But you can transform now, if you'd like to. So you're setting up for next turn.
TALIESIN: Yes, I am and I'm going to--
MATT: Okay.
TONY: God, you guys are so good at this.
TALIESIN: I'm going to run in and get in their faces.
MATT: Okay, so now this alpaca gets in and starts harrying them.
TALIESIN: (groans, bleats, snarls)
MATT: "What? The child."
TALIESIN: Wet alpaca. (jeering noise)
MATT: (laughs) (plops) Sarge, you're up now, with Scanlan on deck.
TONY: All right. With what after you?
TALIESIN: Let me pull up my alpaca.
LAURA: Scanlan is up next after you.
TONY: Oh, Scanlan is up next.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, it's your turn now.
TONY: Okay, so I'm going to do blowgun again.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: I'm going to direct my dart right in between the crab's temple, like Goliath.
MATT: You're firing at the massive crab? Okay.
TONY: Yeah. But a spot that, I'm pretty good aim hopefully and it gets right there, full Goliath technique, knock it out.
MATT: Okay, okay. So roll both of your blowgun attacks, if you'd like to.
TONY: Both of my blowgun attacks. This is the first, and it's a 13.
MATT: Plus?
TONY: Plus, plus?
LAURA: Plus six. So it is 19.
TONY: Plus six is 19.
MATT: A 19? 19 misses.
LAURA: Oh no!
MATT: It strikes--
TONY: 19 misses?
MATT: Well, it hits but the shell of its body is extremely tough and armored.
LAURA: Uh-oh.
MATT: You watch as it just (thuds) flicks off of it.
LAURA: We don't want to fight the crab.
TONY: We don't want to fight the crab?
LAURA: We don't want to fight the crab.
TONY: Did we already decide that?
LAURA: Well, now we know. (laughter)
TONY: Okay, well then, I'm going to do, I have another one, right?
MATT: You have another blowgun or it could be with any other weapon.
TONY: I'm going to shortsword it.
MATT: Okay, so you're going to pull out your shortsword?
TONY: I'm going to shortsword it.
SAM RIEGEL: You're going up there.
LAURA: To the crab or to the hag?
TONY: To the crab.
LAURA: Ooh.
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh ho ho.
TONY: I'm going to acrobat my way.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: Since the dart didn't get it, I'm going to dig the dagger right into that spot of the crab.
MATT: Okay, okay. So make an acrobatics check for me as you leap up off of one of the ritual cairns that are pushing out and attempt to spin in the air to plunge it down.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: Make an acrobatics check. So roll a d20 and add your acrobatics skill.
TONY: Right, and the acrobatics skill is right there, yeah.
LAURA: Yeah.
TONY: Okay. Come on, money. 10. 16.
MATT: 16 is not bad. You manage to succeed, but barely. As you leap off the cairn, it's a little slippery and you catch yourself and you splash into the water, but you tumble through and then pick back up, using that momentum (grunt) to strike down.
LAURA: I hold up a sign that says "eight." (laughter)
MATT: Go ahead and make an attack roll with your shortsword.
TONY: With my shortsword.
MATT: Indeed. So roll a d20 and add--
TONY: And that's the same one.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, please.
MATT: -- add your plus six.
TONY: 14, 20.
MATT: Plus six is 20. 20 is exactly what you need to hit.
LAURA: Woo.
TONY: Hey.
MATT: Roll damage with your shortsword. That's 1d6 plus three, I think?
TONY: Okay.
LAURA: That's the regular dice.
TONY: It's the regular dice.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, the square one.
TONY: Then I roll this and add that to five?
LAURA: To three.
MATT: To the three.
TONY: So eight.
MATT: Eight damage.
SAM RIEGEL: Great.
MATT: All right. Eight slashing image. You plunge it down, (thunk) it carves down in through the hard exterior and as it plunges inward, you feel this bassy (rumbles) growl from within.
LAURA: Oh no.
MATT: You watch as the two hollow holes in the shell, two of these large eye stalks. (slurps)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh god.
SAM RICHARDSON: I think you've woken him up; Sarge.
LAURA: Sarge woke it up!
SAM RICHARDSON: I think you've woken him up, Sarge.
TONY: Oh. I thought he was already awake. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: I cast Counterspell to stop it. (laughter)
TONY: Maybe I should get clarification first. (laughter)
MATT: That's all good.
LAURA: We got to fight the crab.
TONY: I know.
MATT: Now as you strike and it begins to wake up, you watch as the three sirens turn and go, "Not yet. The ritual's not complete! We can't control it."
SAM RIEGEL: Oh no.
LAURA: Oh no.
SAM RICHARDSON: Well.
TONY: Oh. You're welcome.
MATT: Scanlan, it's your turn.
SAM RICHARDSON: Well, well. (laughter)
MATT: I'm going to roll initiative for the crab now.
LAURA: Oh no.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay. I will look dead in the eye of Ligeia and cast Vicious Mockery.
MATT: (snarl)
SAM RIEGEL: I will say: You know why my friend Ran here didn't want to get with you, right?
SAM RICHARDSON: He's asking me.
MATT: "Huh?"
SAM RIEGEL: Because you're shellfish.
SAM RICHARDSON: Woo.
TALIESIN: Boo.
MATT: That's a wisdom saving throw?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah.
MATT: Natural five.
LAURA: Wow.
SAM RIEGEL: No wisdom, you're right. Yes, she fails.
MATT: She fails. So you cut deep into her spirit. (groans)
TONY: That looks like her.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: It sure does.
MATT: "That pun hurts."
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, she takes six points of damage.
MATT: Six points of damage.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh mate, that pun hurt all of us.
SAM and SAM: (laugh)
MATT: All righty.
SAM RIEGEL: Then I will turn to my--
LAURA: Cool, right?
TONY: That's so cool.
SAM RIEGEL: -- my good pal, Sarge.
TONY: Thank you.
SAM RIEGEL: Whose name has always been Sarge.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
TONY: It used to be Fred.
SAM RIEGEL: I will Inspire him, I will Inspire him with a song. My rousing voice will inspire you in battle. I will sing: ("Sailing") ♪ Haling takes me away ♪ ♪ To where I like to play D&D ♪ ♪ Just Tony Hale and the dice to carry me ♪
TONY: ♪ It's Sarge ♪
SAM RIEGEL: Sorry. ♪ Say it will be ♪
SAM RICHARDSON: (strums)
TONY: I immediately--
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: You get an extra d8.
TONY: I get an extra d8.
SAM RIEGEL: On the next roll of your choice.
TONY: On the next roll of my choice.
MATT: You can spend it to add it to whatever roll you'd make.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, well, not now.
LAURA: Here, I'll give you one.
MATT: Not now, but you can later.
SAM RIEGEL: Just keep this one and you can use that for something special later.
TONY: Well, that was very kind of you.
MATT: Does that finish your turn, Scanlan?
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, I'm still going to stay away from these things.
MATT: All righty, so you stay back towards the front of the cave where you first entered.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes.
LAURA: Oh god.
MATT: All right, it's now the crab's go.
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
LAURA: It's a ghost! (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: There is a ghost back there.
MATT: As you pull the blade free and you watch the eye stalks emerge and it begins to shift and move.
LAURA: Oh no.
MATT: You watch the water flow off of its massive claws that begin to pull up from underneath.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: The whole cave begins to quake as it slams into one side and slams into the other and these massive claws (thuds), it starts swinging whatever's closest to it, which right now is you.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh no.
TONY: Me, yeah.
LAURA: Sarge.
MATT: That's going to be a 20 to hit.
LAURA: (tearily) Sarge.
TONY: 20 to hit.
SAM RIEGEL: That hits.
TONY: So can I?
TONY: Okay.
MATT: So that your armor class is 17, I believe.
TONY: Great, yeah.
MATT: That definitely hits you and the second strike--
TONY: What hits me?
LAURA: His attack.
TONY: His attack. Okay, got it.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm going to Cutting Words the second attack.
MATT: Okay, the second attack was an 18.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, I'm going to Cutting, yes, as I see it attacking, I pull out my lute, but I don't play it. I do a drum fill that I had seen this one do.
TONY: Yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: I start--
TONY: Like this, right?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah. (steady drumbeat) (laughter)
MATT: One of the eye stalks looks over.
TONY: Yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: To distract it.
MATT: So roll to see if you can reduce it.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, what do I roll? Man, I haven't done this in so long. Cutting Words, I roll a--?
MATT: It's a d8 still. It's your same thing.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, great.
MATT: So you have a 17 AC and it rolled an 18 to hit, so you need to get a three or higher.
SAM RIEGEL: I got a four.
MATT: Got a four, okay.
TONY: Yay.
MATT: So the first claw does hit you and it snaps into you and crushes your body and pushes you underwater for a minute. The pain rocks through you.
TONY: This is like "The Witcher." Did you ever see "The Witcher?" (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: I've seen this, it's better.
TONY: Yeah, you're right.
MATT: That is 23 points of damage.
LAURA: Oh no!
SAM RIEGEL: Oh noes.
LAURA: Oh no. Sarge!
TONY: So I have only six left.
LAURA: You have six points left.
MATT: You have six hit points left.
LAURA: Don't get hit by the crab.
MATT: It lifts you up and as it's holding you in its grasp, its other claw, which looks sharper, it's slightly smaller, but has a sharper edge, pulls back to try and swing towards you into what you think in the moment is the last moments of your life before this drum fill comes through the darkness and the eyes turn to the side and the claw goes wide and it drops you into the water. (splash)
TONY: Oh. Thank god.
MATT: You catch yourself.
TONY: I've got six points.
LAURA: On your next attack.
TONY: Yeah?
LAURA: What you can do during you move is have your--
TONY: My Primal Companion.
LAURA: He can do things. She can do things.
TONY: Ethel, yeah.
SAM and SAM: (laugh)
TONY: No, okay, great. I don't have an attack, do I?
SAM RIEGEL: (deeply) I'm a female.
MATT: Not yet, not until we come back to your turn. It is now the sirens' turns.
LAURA: Oh god, crab sirens.
TONY: I forget about these turns.
SAM RIEGEL: Just when we're in combat.
MATT: Just when we're in combat, don't worry. So the first siren is angrily freaking out and it's going to look over towards the crab in its attempt to calm it using one of its own incantations. The crab resists with a super high save and then the siren goes, "Curse it. We can't put it down." One of the other ones is going to look over towards the rest of you and "(growls) You did this." It's going to pull back.
TONY: The alpaca.
MATT: Now toward the back of the chamber, those who haven't moved forward are you three.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes.
MATT: Currently, correct?
SAM and SAM: Yes.
MATT: You Faerie Fired, but you didn't move forward.
LAURA: That's true, I didn't move forward.
MATT: The three of you watch as this bead of light (whoosh) shoots in your direction and it vanishes for a moment before (intense crackles) a blast of flame surrounds you, a Fireball explodes in your vicinity. So I need the three of you to make dexterity saving throws for me, please.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay.
TALIESIN: Just the three of them?
MATT: Just the three of them.
TALIESIN: Okay.
TONY: Not the alpaca.
TALIESIN: No, the 'pac is cool.
SAM RICHARDSON: 10 plus two.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, you got that.
LAURA: 16.
MATT: 16.
SAM RIEGEL: 11.
SAM RICHARDSON: 12.
MATT: 12, ugh. Both of you take 24 points of fire damage.
ALL: Ooh. (gasping)
SAM RIEGEL: This is brutal.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh boy.
MATT: You take 12 points of fire damage.
LAURA: Oh gosh, okay.
SAM RIEGEL: You okay, pal?
SAM RICHARDSON: I've got five. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: My cloak is burning.
SAM RIEGEL: Wait.
MATT: The last one is going to go ahead and attempt to grab you to try and force your hand back onto the altar to try and re-complete the ritual that had finished earlier. So it's going to be contested athletics rolls. So as an alpaca, I need you to roll with the alpaca's strength. (laughs)
TALIESIN: All right.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, sorry. Does armor class mean anything for that?
MATT: For that, unfortunately, no.
SAM RIEGEL: No.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay.
MATT: Yeah, spells and--
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh.
LAURA: Oh!
SAM RICHARDSON: Spell Save, does that mean?
MATT: That's the power of your spells.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, I see, gotcha.
MATT: No worries.
SAM RICHARDSON: I just want to be better.
MATT: I know, good looking out.
TALIESIN: So it's a strength roll, contested strength?
MATT: It's a strength roll, yeah.
TALIESIN: Four.
MATT: Four. (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh boy.
MATT: You rush in as an alpaca and it grabs you and slams your head into the altar. You're like (grunt).
TALIESIN: (bleat)
MATT: It's trying to push you towards this ritual where the blood had spilt and you can see the runes are starting to glow in the proximity of where you are, like the blood that was already put in the chalice and spilled is still connected to you and it's starting to alight the ritual slowly as it pushes you in. That's going to finish its go. Bramble, you're up, with Ran on deck.
SAM RIEGEL: I feel like we got to get Bobby and get out of here.
SAM RICHARDSON: I think so.
LAURA: He's in the danger zone. I haven't Raged yet.
TONY: That could help.
SAM RIEGEL: That's the thing you do.
LAURA: Yeah, but if I rage, it drops Faerie Fire but nobody's hit anything yet.
SAM RIEGEL: Ah, yeah.
SAM RICHARDSON: Yeah.
MATT: What are you doing?
TONY: I hit the crab.
LAURA: Yeah, but he wasn't Faerie Fired. (scream)
TONY: Oh, you got a Faerie Fire, what is that?
LAURA: That means you've got advantage on attacks.
TONY: Ah, got it.
MATT: Against the sirens.
SAM RICHARDSON: Against the sirens.
MATT: The sirens are easier to hit for now, unless you rage. What are you going to do, what you going to do, Bramble?
SAM RICHARDSON and MATT: (laugh)
TALIESIN: Be you.
LAURA: I'm going to rage!
SAM RIEGEL: Yay.
SAM RICHARDSON: Yeah.
MATT: The Faerie Fire fades away and the spell drops as you turn into the angriest faerie that's ever faeried.
LAURA: (growl) (laughter)
LAURA: I'm going to fly forward and attack Ligeia because she's the one that hit on my boyfriend.
MATT: Go for it.
TONY: That's right.
SAM RIEGEL: Did that turn you on at all?
SAM RICHARDSON: A little bit, I won't lie. (laughter)
MATT: All right, go for the attack rolls.
LAURA: Okay. Oh god, (laughs) I haven't rolled high. That one misses unless it's like a nine.
MATT: Nope, that misses.
LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I should have just not raged. (grunt)
MATT: Remember--
LAURA: Okay, that one hits.
MATT: You can also attack recklessly, if you feel like it.
LAURA: I can?
TALIESIN: Advantage.
MATT: As a barbarian, you have an ability called reckless attacks where you can roll twice and take the higher. You get advantage.
TALIESIN: Yeah, you can get advantage on all your attacks.
MATT: But then attacks against you have advantage.
LAURA: Oh, I should have done that.
MATT: I'll allow you to take that second roll as your first attack, if you want to.
LAURA: Okay, that one hits.
MATT: You're not used to barbarian, so I'll allow it.
LAURA: Okay, and now I roll again with a reckless attack?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, that's--
LAURA: Yeah, double the, yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MATT: It means that all attacks against you have advantage.
LAURA: Okay, whatever. Okay, the next one is a 17.
MATT: 17 hits as well, both hit.
LAURA: Okay, great.
SAM RICHARDSON: Nice.
LAURA: Okay, so I'm going to fly down and I'm going to land on her back and I'm going to try to slash her neck with my axe.
MATT: "(snarls)"
LAURA: For the first one and then after I slash it, I'm going to stab the sword into it.
MATT: "(snarls)" Big old elongated gnashing teeth as she begins growling and thrashing about angrily with you clutching onto her back.
LAURA: Okay, seven points of damage on the first one.
TONY: You should've listened to my insight. She wasn't good.
LAURA: Nine points of damage on the second one.
MATT: Nine points of damage, all righty.
LAURA: Then for my-- Oh wait, I did a bonus action.
MATT: Yeah.
LAURA: I'm going to try to fly away with the rest of my movement. How far away can I get?
MATT: I mean, you can get as far back as, you flew in 20 feet, I'd say, to get to them.
LAURA: So I've got 30 feet left?
MATT: Correct.
LAURA: So I'm going to fly--
MATT: Straight up?
LAURA: Up and back. So I'm away from everybody else and up in the ceiling of the cave.
MATT: She's going to make an attack of opportunity against you as you try and fly out of her combat range. "(snarls)" Lashes out with these clawed fingers.
LAURA: She gets disadvantage on that.
MATT: She has advantage because you did your--
LAURA: Okay, so it's--
MATT: So it's just a straight roll. Yeah. She's using her Stupefying Touch.
SAM RIEGEL: Sorry.
TONY: You guys are so good.
SAM RIEGEL: You'll watch this on repeat and you'll understand it.
MATT: This is going to be a 14. Does a 14 hit you?
LAURA: No, it doesn't.
MATT: No, it does not, what's your AC?
LAURA: 16.
MATT: 16, okay, yeah. So (whoosh) the attack goes wide as you carve up into the air, blades drawn on the roof of the cavern, looking down.
LAURA: Flipping her off as I fly backwards.
MATT: Perfect.
LAURA: Am I allowed to flip people off in this game?
MATT: Well, we've done it.
LAURA: Okay, sorry.
MATT: Ran, it's your turn.
SAM RIEGEL: It's for the children.
MATT: With Bobby on deck.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm so weak now. We've got to get Bobby out of there.
TALIESIN: (bleating) Help me.
SAM RICHARDSON: So who's?
MATT: So if you're looking in the chamber from the far back, you see there's the central ritual platform and then two others in the water. The center one is where Bobby is and that's where Ligeia is. The two other sisters are by the two other ritual chambers. You can see that Sarge has moved all the way to the back, which is right in front of the massive crab that grabbed him and threw him into the ground and you are all towards the front of the cave.
SAM RICHARDSON: The fire on that wall, is that an issue anymore?
MATT: No, that dissipated. It was a singular explosion and then it vanished.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay. I'm going to attack one of the, the witches.
MATT: The siren girls?
SAM RICHARDSON: The siren girls.
MATT: There's two that haven't been hurt on the sides and then there's Ligeia, which she just attacked that looks pretty hurt.
SAM RICHARDSON: She looks pretty hurt? I am going to attack Ligeia.
MATT: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm going to put my Hexblade Curse on her.
MATT: Okay! How do you Curse her with your blade?
SAM RICHARDSON: So first, I call my Hexblade from the sky.
MATT: (swooshes)
SAM RICHARDSON: (thuds) I say: Darling, here comes your just desserts. (laughter)
MATT: Perfect. As the blade appears and the words leave your mouth, they echo, "desserts-serts-serts-serts." You watch as these blackened tendrils seem to curl up from the water beneath and begin to wiggle around her with this black shadow energy that's now grasping and slithering around her torso. "(snarls, pants)" As you begin to close the distance. Are you going with your blade?
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm going with my blade.
MATT: All righty. So you rush in through the water, splashing behind you and you can make your two strikes.
SAM RICHARDSON: Right. All right, so do I do it individually or the same time as this? Doesn't matter.
MATT: Up to you.
SAM RICHARDSON: All right. It's a six and a nine.
MATT: You have to roll to hit first.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, oh.
LAURA: Nice.
MATT: That's all good. You can keep those if you'd like, though.
SAM RICHARDSON: I think I will.
MATT: (laughs)
SAM RICHARDSON: One.
MATT: Oh, so the first attack goes wide. (whoosh) She, for a brief moment, as you're rushing towards her, her image flitters back to that beautiful face and looks so sad and it shakes you enough to the point where you swing and she dodges out of the way. "(cackles)" But you have two strikes. You swing with the second one. Go ahead and roll for the second attack.
SAM RICHARDSON: It's a nine. So nine plus--
MATT: Six, right?
SAM RICHARDSON: Plus six, so 15.
MATT: 15 hits, so what's the damage value on that one?
SAM RICHARDSON: So the values, sorry, on these?
MATT: Yes.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay, so it's two. I add these both together, right?
MATT: Correct, and then add--
SAM RICHARDSON: So 15 plus three, 18 plus six. Sorry, right?
MATT: It's the plus three on the damage.
SAM RICHARDSON: Plus three on the damage.
MATT: But then you also add plus three because of your Hexblade's Curse.
SAM RICHARDSON: And plus three because of, okay.
MATT: That's great, so it's 11 plus six. 17 points of damage. How do you want to do this?
LAURA: (gasps)
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh!
TONY: Woo-hoo!
MATT: So describe your blow, your final strike on her.
SAM RICHARDSON: So I miss that first strike and I look at her in the face.
MATT: "(cackles)"
SAM RICHARDSON: I see-- And I say: I've said it once, I'll say it again. No one laughs at me. I pull the blade up and I cleave her in half--
SAM RIEGEL: Ooh!
LAURA: Oh!
SAM RICHARDSON: From the bottom up.
MATT: (shearing) The water splashes upward like it's its own extension of the blade and it meets with the shadow as the arc of the sword that glistens in the glowing light.
SAM RICHARDSON: Wow!
MATT: The glowing blue plankton in the water, matching the blue color of your magic. As the strike cuts through, her laughter cuts short "(chokes)" (sticky slurps) and the top half slides off anime style before splashing into the water.
TONY: Wow.
SAM RICHARDSON: I've got a girlfriend.
LAURA: (gasps)
TONY: Oh. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh! Oh!
LAURA: Even through my rage. (laughter)
MATT: Perfect. All righty, that's going to finish your turn, Ran. That brings us to Bobby, with Sarge on deck.
TALIESIN: I'm going to, in a panic drop my form. Ah, ah! Then I'm going to: Oh, it's time that you met my friends. And I'm going to Conjure Animals.
MATT: Okay. (laughs)
TALIESIN: So--
MATT: What are you conjuring?
TALIESIN: I'm conjuring out of the water, just jumps a walrus.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
LAURA: (laughs)
MATT: (gigantic splash)
TALIESIN: It makes its way over and it's fucking ready for this shit.
SAM RICHARDSON: I am the egg man.
MATT: All right, so I guess it's just one of the two sirens?
TALIESIN: The one that's right, the one that was right on top of them.
MATT: Got you, okay.
TALIESIN: The one who's trying to bleed me out.
MATT: That'd be Teles, okay, good.
TALIESIN: It's going to use its tusks, not just for defense and not just to help him get out the water, which he can do.
MATT: (laughs)
TALIESIN: He's going to attack with his tusks, which is a melee weapon, so it's plus four to hit.
MATT: Go for it.
TALIESIN: That's 11.
MATT: 11's going to miss, unfortunately. (groaning)
MATT: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: Ah, walrus, goo-goo-gah-doo. (laughter)
TALIESIN: So yeah, it attacks.
MATT: He goes (whooshes) and the siren just pushes him out of the way.
TALIESIN: There's more where that came from!
MATT: She-- back in the water, Ethel's still prowling, waiting for the signal to get in there, which on your turn you can as a bonus action send Ethel in to strike, too.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MATT: Which, it is your turn. What do you want to do? There's now the massive crab that's awakened and you see it's thrashing about at whatever's in the vicinity. You're right in front of it.
TONY: Yep.
MATT: What do you want to do?
TONY: All right, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on!
TONY: I'm going to use my shortsword again.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: I'm going to, the goal is to, the eyes, to cut both eyes off.
SAM RIEGEL: Of the crab?
TONY: Of the crab.
TALIESIN: Woo!
MATT: Okay.
TONY: Cut the eyes off. When that happens, Ethel is going to jump in and maul the crab.
MATT: You got it, okay. So as the crab is getting up, one of the eyestalks is right there. As it's moving, it's going to be harder to hit, but the hit will have a more significant impact. So roll with your first hit to see if you can strike it.
TONY: Okay. Come on, come on. Ah, frick, two.
MATT: Two. (laughter)
MATT: You're going to swing for the eyestalk just as the crab lifts up. You see its legs now starting to pick up its weight as it's growing more and more awake and it gets it right out of your reach. It settles its body weight onto its large crab legs. They're now (crackles) outside of the water as it descends under the shifting of its weight, the eyestalks come into perspective again. You can take a second strike with your other shortsword, if you'd like to.
TONY: Okay, I can take a second strike?
MATT: You can take two strikes, yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on.
TONY: Come on, mama.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on.
TONY: 19.
LAURA: Woo!
MATT: 19 plus six?
TONY: 19 plus six.
MATT: 25, that'll definitely hit. Go ahead and roll damage.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes!
MATT: Roll a d6 plus three.
TONY: A d6 plus three.
MATT: I'll say because--
SAM RIEGEL: It's the square dice.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
TONY: It's like I'm looking at my father. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, honey. (laughter)
TONY: Oh, frick, it's a one. I wanted to say another F word. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: But the children.
SAM RICHARDSON: Phalange.
MATT: So there it is, that's the one. Fibula also is accepted.
TONY: So one, that's not good.
MATT: No, so one plus three.
LAURA: That's still four damage.
MATT: It's still four points of damage.
TONY: Okay, four points of damage.
MATT: That's four points of damage to it, but it is temporarily blinded in that eye.
TONY: Oh.
MATT: So it doesn't do a lot of damage, but the eyestalk slides back in and you hear this "(growls)" on the inside as it starts shifting into space, slamming into the sides, causing rocks and things to fall from the ceiling, (splashes) into the water.
TONY: Nice, nice, nice. The Ethel companion can go at it, right?
MATT: Indeed, and because it's blinded currently, Ethel has advantage on the attack roll, so roll twice and take the higher number for Ethel.
TONY: All right, Ethel, I'm going to roll twice. That's a one.
SAM RIEGEL: God awful, god awful.
LAURA: You got advantage. You got advantage.
TONY: That's not good. That's a five. (laughter)
TALIESIN: I feel you.
TONY: So Ethel's pissed.
MATT: Ethel's very angry. Ethel leaps onto the front of it, claws out and is just holding on, tries to strike, but it's like (high-pitched scratches) scraping on its back as Ethel looks back at you like, (concerned growl). Like, "What do I do?"
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MATT: Are you going to stay up close with it or do you try and move somewhere?
TONY: Am I going to stay up close with it or try to move? Well, I'm going to tell Ethel to get down.
MATT: Okay. (giant splash) Into the water next to you. (growls)
TONY: Then, I think I'm going to use a, one of my things.
MATT: You've used your action to attack, so you have to do it the next round, but you can, you can prepare it.
LAURA: But you can run away because if he hits you again, you're going to--
TONY: I'm going to run away.
MATT: Okay, so you've moved behind. It does get one attack on you--
SAM RIEGEL: Oh shit.
MATT: --as you move out of the range, but it has disadvantage on the attack because it's blinded this round.
TONY: It's got a disadvantage because it's blinded.
MATT: Yeah, so that's going to be a 14 and a natural three.
LAURA: Good.
MATT: Which brings it to a 13.
TONY: Oh wow, so now I have six points.
LAURA: No, that's fine, your AC it doesn't hit.
MATT: Your armor class is 17.
LAURA: Doesn't hit you.
MATT: So it misses you, so thankfully because you blinded it, its secondary sharpened claw swings wide towards you as you dart back out of the way. Your smaller halfling form already far and away from where it snaps, it catches nothing in the air.
TONY: Great.
MATT: You manage to pull away back up to where some of your friends are at the other side of the case.
SAM RICHARDSON: Sarge, we can't lose you. We don't have another drummer.
TONY: While I'm running away, I want to go to the bathroom.
MATT: Yes, go for it, go for it. All right, Scanlan, you're up.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh shoot, there's two more merhags?
MATT: There are, yes.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay.
MATT: The other ritual cairns are still glowing, but the third one has not been able to--
LAURA: Those ritual Karens.
SAM RIEGEL: They are Karens. They really are.
MATT: Cairns. Cairns. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: Well. Tomayto, tomahto.
MATT: C-A-I-R-N.
LAURA: Nope. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: I will.
MATT: This is the Karen trio.
LAURA: I see a very particular haircut on these sirens.
SAM RICHARDSON: They'd like to speak to the manager of this cave. (laughter)
MATT: It is scariest part of this whole island.
SAM RIEGEL: I'll step forward and I will try to cast Hold Person on both of the Karens.
MATT: On both of them, okay.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes. At level three, I believe I can do that. "At higher levels when you (mumbling), you can target one additional humanoid," yes.
MATT: Roll an arcana check for me real fast.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, they're not humanoids, are they? 19.
MATT: 19. You're about to prepare the spell and based on their nature, you get the sense that they may not be considered humanoid and the spell may not have an effect. They seem to be more fey in nature.
SAM RIEGEL: Poopy doopies.
MATT: But you can make a different choice if you'd like.
LAURA: Gosh darn it, I feel bad doing my--
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, you blew it.
LAURA: I blew it.
MATT: (laughs)
LAURA: It was peace signs, they were peace signs.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, wait, before I make my move, are we running? What's happening?
SAM RICHARDSON: We should get out of here.
LAURA: I don't know. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: Okay, then, if that's an I don't know--
TALIESIN: I think we need--
LAURA: We already got one of them. However, the crab is really strong.
SAM RIEGEL: I know.
SAM RICHARDSON: I think we need to--
TALIESIN: We can do this! We've got a walrus! (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: If I run--
MATT: The walrus is like--
SAM RIEGEL: If I run up to where they are, are my friends around them? Are we in proximity or?
MATT: They're within 20 feet of you, but most of them have moved back towards the entrance of the cave.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay.
MATT: Except for you where you're flying up at the top.
SAM RIEGEL: Then I'm going to run up between the two sirens.
MATT: Yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm going to run up between them and I'm going to say, (like Ran) "Ladies, do you like my accent? Focus right here," and then Thunderwave them both.
LAURA: Yay!
MATT: Oh, great, okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: Mate, you're charming as hell, innit.
LAURA and SAM RICHARDSON: (laugh)
SAM RIEGEL: Oh!
LAURA: Did you give him your apple?
SAM RIEGEL: No, oh, what does that thing do?
LAURA: Oh yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Use the apple.
LAURA: You got to take a bite of the apple.
SAM RIEGEL: Maybe it blows up the room.
MATT: All right, so you're going to Thunderwave towards two of them.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes.
MATT: Which--
SAM RIEGEL: Constitution 16.
MATT: Yeah, you can catch the two of them in that one area. So one of them is, that's going to be a 13.
SAM RIEGEL: Fail.
MATT: The other is going to be a 14, both fail.
SAM RIEGEL: Fail. Give me a d8 over here, sorry. Seven and another nine, that's 16 points of damage.
MATT: 16 points of damage to each of them. Woof!
MATT: The impact (exploding) as it blasts out, the massive concussive explosion of sound and thunderous energy that (impacts) like a small, localized detonation of a lightning bolt scattering sends both of them flying about 10, 15 feet back from where they are, hitting the edges of the rock and catching themselves. You can see the stone cairns where the ritual were there also get blasted apart. The stacked stones go scattering against the wall and all of their energy light vanishes.
SAM RIEGEL: Amazing.
MATT: When that happens, they both go, "It's unleashed. It's unleashed."
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, boy.
MATT: Both of them are looking hurt.
SAM RIEGEL: As a bonus action, I'll inspire Ran.
MATT: Okay.
SAM RIEGEL: By singing.
TONY: Oh, nice.
SAM RIEGEL: ("Can-can") ♪ Ran ♪ ♪ Can you do the Ran-Ran ♪ ♪ Can you do the Ran-Ran ♪ ♪ Can you do the ♪
SAM and SAM: ♪ Ram Ran Ran Ran Ran Ran ♪ (laughter)
MATT: Oh, early Scanlan is rough. (laughter)
MATT: Perfect, awesome, that finishes your go. It is now the crab's go. Now, because you've moved away from its--
SAM RIEGEL: He's up, he's awake.
TONY: Yeah, he's going to be.
MATT: Because you moved away, you're not the closest thing to it anymore. Is Ethel the closest thing to it or does Ethel move back with you?
TONY: Ethel is with me.
MATT: Okay, so Ethel retracted with you. You're up in the ceiling.
TONY: I can see something.
MATT: Indeed. You, Scanlan, since you moved forward, you're--
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah! Bring it.
MATT: Roll a d6 for me.
SAM RIEGEL: Me?
MATT: Yes, on a five or six, it doesn't go after you.
SAM RIEGEL: It's a three.
MATT: All right, the crab's going to come forward, both claws drawn and move into the center. After you blow both of them back, you look up as it, (skitters) it's going to arc towards you for a--
SAM RIEGEL: I will Cutting Words this.
MATT: Okay, it's 23.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, boy. I don't think that's going to make much difference then.
MATT: All right, so you're going to hold off on that one then?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah.
MATT: Okay, so first the big claw hits and then the bladed one.
LAURA: Who, who, who, who, who?
MATT: That's going to be a 13 that hits.
LAURA: Hit you?
SAM RIEGEL: That doesn't hit.
MATT: Okay, so the first one comes down towards you, the second one goes wide, but for that one, you take... That's going to be 27 points of damage.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm knocked unconscious.
LAURA: Scanlan!
TONY: Oh no.
SAM RICHARDSON: Scanlan!
SAM RIEGEL: It was nice knowing you.
MATT: You watch as the hook of its massive claw catches Scanlan and then flexes and you watch him tense and then go limp in the claw.
SAM RIEGEL: Tell my story.
SAM RICHARDSON: I will. Do it with accent!
SAM RIEGEL: (like Ran) My story. (laughter)
MATT: Limp in its grasp. The two other sirens are going to flee. They both are going to run towards the entryway and try and push past you swimming through the water. As part of that, you get an attack of opportunity on one of them if you'd like, as do you. So both of you get a free attack on each of them as they swim past.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'll take it.
MATT: Roll a d20 and add your six to it.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on, come on.
SAM RICHARDSON: Add my six. Nine.
MATT: 15?
SAM RICHARDSON: It's a 15.
MATT: That hits, roll your damage for your greatsword.
SAM RIEGEL: Doing this for hours.
TONY: I know exactly.
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs) He got a 19, he's fine, he's fine.
MATT: Oh, yeah, so roll your one d6 plus three.
SAM RICHARDSON: Seven plus--
TONY: Don't mock me.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm so sorry.
TONY: At least you're playing.
SAM RICHARDSON: So I do these combine plus three for damage, right?
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, that's 10.
SAM RICHARDSON: So 10.
MATT: 10 points of damage, got it, okay. So you hack one, takes the hit, it's barely holding on but still alive and trying to swim out and flee from this scenario. You rolled how much damage?
TONY: I roll a three.
MATT: A three?
TONY: No.
MATT: Plus three?
TONY: Plus-- six.
MATT: So six damage. All right, same thing. It struck, it's looking pretty hurt, but they're both swimming past, intending to just escape from this scenario that's turned entirely against their intent. That's going to finish their go. Bramble, you're up, with Ran on deck.
LAURA: I'm going to fly down and attack one.
MATT: All right. (zooms) Dive bombing from above the cavern, roll your attacks.
SAM RIEGEL: Reckless?
LAURA: Reckless.
MATT: Go for it.
LAURA: Great, thank you. (laughter)
LAURA: Reckless, 20.
MATT: 20, that hits.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh god.
LAURA: Aah!
SAM RICHARDSON: Speaking of reckless. (laughter)
LAURA: Ooh, 10 plus four!
MATT: 10 plus four.
LAURA: 14 points of damage.
MATT: How do you want to do this?
SAM RIEGEL: That's your girlfriend.
LAURA: (growls)
TALIESIN: Yeah!
LAURA: Okay, that first one I'm going to fly down and I'm going to fly down and grab a hold of her hair and-- Yeah, I'm going to battleaxe around her neck and slam it into the front.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh god.
MATT: It barely finds any resistance as it carves through and the head comes free. (groaning)
TONY: Oh! The head is free.
MATT: As you hold it up, you see its eyes going like, (gurgling)
SAM RIEGEL: Aah!
MATT: Its tongue moving around. It's still aware of its surroundings for the moments before it eventually passes entirely.
LAURA: Then there's one left.
MATT: Yeah.
LAURA: So--
MATT: Swimming in the water.
LAURA: I'm going to stick the-- Oh, it's so gross. I'm going to stick the head onto my longsword and I'm going to slam it into the other one.
MATT: You're going to bludgeon one with the head of the other?
LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: Hell yeah, roll for your attack on the other one.
SAM RIEGEL: The grossness.
LAURA: Reckless! This is great. 21.
MATT: That hits, go ahead--
LAURA: No, 23, even better!
MATT: Even better. Go ahead and roll damage.
LAURA: Yeah. Also 14 points of damage!
MATT: How do you want to do this?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah! (laughter)
LAURA: Yeah, I'm going to slam it into her head with her other head and then I'm going to keep hitting her with the head.
MATT: (bludgeoning)
SAM RICHARDSON: Why does this turn me on so much? What's wrong with me? (laughter)
LAURA: (pants) And with my bonus action, I'm going to dash over to Scanlan.
MATT: Okay, you dash over to Scanlan, who is still in the claws of the massive crab creature. So you can scoot over and glance up towards it and he's flailing in its grasp.
LAURA: Oh, he's in the claws and I flew down.
SAM RIEGEL: Urine is just pouring down my legs. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: Cascade.
MATT: Perfect, cascading, yeah. Keep it flowery. Ran, you're up.
LAURA: Okay, well, I said it, so.
SAM RIEGEL: Me?
MATT: Ran, you're up.
SAM RICHARDSON: I think we need to get out of here. (laughter)
LAURA: You've lost the accent.
SAM RIEGEL: You've been saying that.
SAM RICHARDSON: From a distance, I'm going to--
TALIESIN: It's a fake accent?
SAM RICHARDSON: Eldritch Blast, trying to aim for this crab's eyes.
MATT: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: From a distance, help us escape, if we can.
MATT: Certainly.
SAM RICHARDSON: So I Eldritch Blast at the crab.
MATT: So roll. Towards the eyes, it has a higher armor class so you have to roll a 23 or higher to hit the eye.
SAM RIEGEL: You got this, you got this.
SAM RICHARDSON: All right.
LAURA: You can do it.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, that's right, okay.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on, glory, we're the Glorious Ones.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh!
SAM RIEGEL: We're not glorious.
SAM RICHARDSON: That's a two. That's a two.
MATT: It goes wide and hits part of the top of the cave and flashes.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, I should be smarter than this. Oh, I should've like, said like-- Anyway, okay. Oh, I get two back. I get two shots.
MATT: Get two blasts, yeah.
SAM RICHARDSON: Can I do a perception check?
MATT: Sure.
SAM RICHARDSON: What's the ceiling look like? What's the--
MATT: Make a perception check for me.
SAM RICHARDSON: Six plus--
SAM RIEGEL: Perception is two.
SAM RICHARDSON: Plus two, so eight.
MATT: It's hard to see in the low light up here, but I mean, it is a rock cavern, and as it's been shifting and slamming into the sides, you've watched small boulders and things fall from above. That's all you know, though.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm going to try and blast the roof, what we call it, roof in a cave?
MATT: Yeah, sure.
SAM RICHARDSON: Ceiling.
MATT: Okay.
SAM RICHARDSON: I blast up above it.
MATT: Okay, roll an attack.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on.
SAM RICHARDSON: So, sorry, so rolling attack, these--
MATT: Just roll the dice again and see if you can aim for something that looks like it might be--
SAM RIEGEL: Eight.
SAM RICHARDSON: Then I'm going to add this guy.
MATT: Go for it.
SAM RICHARDSON: Three, so 11--
SAM RIEGEL: Plus six.
SAM RICHARDSON: -- plus six.
SAM RIEGEL: It's 17.
SAM RICHARDSON: It's a 17.
MATT: 17. So as you released upward, remembering where most of the smaller rocks had fallen earlier, as it's shifting forward into the center, you Hail Mary it upward and fire and it blasts into the top. Go ahead and roll the damage for your Eldritch Blast for me.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay.
MATT: That is a d10 plus three.
SAM RIEGEL: Come on.
SAM RICHARDSON: Two plus three, so five.
MATT: Okay, it slams into it and it bursts and you watch a couple more bits of rock, but larger chunks, fall, hitting the top of it and it seems to smash under the back of its shell and it gets pushed down a little bit. Not enough to fully leave it in a bad place, but you do notice that the ceiling does give a bit from the impact.
SAM RICHARDSON: Okay.
LAURA: The ceiling's falling down?
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah, just a little bit.
SAM RICHARDSON: Just a little bit.
TALIESIN: All right.
TONY: Yeah, a bit.
SAM RIEGEL: Just a little bit.
SAM RICHARDSON: Then I can still move, right?
MATT: You still move, if you like.
SAM RICHARDSON: So I'm going to back away towards the--
MATT: He just goes: (comical reversing)
SAM RICHARDSON: -- towards the entrance of the cave.
SAM RIEGEL: But in a brave way.
SAM RICHARDSON: But in a brave way.
MATT: Totally. (laughter)
MATT: Perfect, all right. Finishing your go, Bobby, you're up, with Sarge on deck.
LAURA: Is Scanlan still in its claw?
SAM RIEGEL: I'm, yeah.
MATT: Yeah.
TALIESIN: I'm going to run up towards Scanlan, since I'm now clear.
MATT: Mm-hmm.
TALIESIN: I'm going to run up and jump and try and tap Scanlan's foot because I believe in Scanlan. Scanlan's been so nice to me, or at least hasn't yelled at me today.
MATT: Okay.
LAURA: (laughs)
TALIESIN: So I'm going to run, I'm going to tap Scanlan, and I'm going to have one of those little bandaids in my hand. I'm going to get right on your ankle and I'm going to Cure Wounds at level two.
MATT: Okay, so 2d8 plus your wisdom modifier.
TALIESIN: 2d8 plus my wisdom modifier. I have a button for that. There we are. That's not an eight. Where's my eight? I'll just roll it twice. That's six.
SAM RIEGEL: That's plenty.
TALIESIN: That's six. So, and wisdom modifier is three, so that's 15 points of healing.
SAM RIEGEL: Amazing.
TALIESIN: Then I'm going to--
SAM RICHARDSON: Beautiful.
TALIESIN: -- jump back and I'm going to reach into this little thing on my belt, I'm going to pull off a bauble that has an image of a bear. I'm going to say: It's time for everyone to see my true power! I'm going to throw it down and I'm going to cast--
LAURA: I love it.
TALIESIN: Not cast, but I'm going to summon the totem of the bear and a big glowing, translucent bear shows up and-- (roars) (bright dinging) (laughter)
TALIESIN: -- and glows. (laughter)
TALIESIN: Everyone within 30 feet of this bear, and I'm going to position it appropriately, has 10 temporary hit points now--
LAURA: Woo!
TONY: Wow!
TALIESIN: -- and advantage on strength checks and saves.
SAM RIEGEL: Whoa!
MATT: Great.
TALIESIN: While all this is happening, the walrus is going to come in and just, (swipe) and try and bite the--
MATT: Sure. Yeah, so the temporary hit points is like a buffer shield on top. So you don't heal, but any damage you take next comes off the 10 points first.
LAURA: That's great.
TONY: Okay.
TALIESIN: I'm going to attack. 11 to hit.
MATT: (laughs) The walrus slams into the crab.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT: It does nothing.
TALIESIN: (clumsy walrus slams) (laughter)
MATT: But Scanlan, you come to consciousness while still being held aloft by the claw of this massive crab.
TALIESIN: You did get the 10 temporary hit points on top of that.
SAM RIEGEL: Wow!
LAURA: Oh, nice!
TONY: Nice!
TALIESIN: Yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Bobby Socks, that is the most useful bear I've ever seen in my entire life. (laughter) Thank you. Thank you, Bobby Socks.
TALIESIN: Thank you! His name is Bauble.
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, I love baubles.
MATT: The name is Bauble!
SAM RIEGEL: I love baubles. (laughter)
TALIESIN: How's it feel? (laughter) How does it feel? (laughter)
MATT: That's rough. (laughter)
MATT: All right, does that finish your turn, Bobby?
TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm out.
MATT: All right, so you're still up against the crab as it's up there, but you finished putting this--
TALIESIN: Yeah, I've positioned it as best I can.
MATT: Okay. Sarge, it's your turn. At the top of this turn, now that the mists have rolled in here, that specter still sits behind you and says, "Do not die, I need you to avenge me!"
SAM RIEGEL: Oh jeez.
LAURA: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: How we have ghosts?
MATT: While the glowing apple still sits around your neck saying, "Do not worry, the future will be yours." It's a lot of voices-- (laughter) -- all vying for your attention. (laughter) What are you doing?
TONY: Okay. Can I-- Yeah, yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Wow.
LAURA: Yes.
TONY: So I'm noticing there is the shape of this in the wall.
LAURA: (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: (laughs)
TONY: Is that what I'm-- (laughter)
TALIESIN: It may just be a hole, that's it.
TONY: That's what I was asking.
LAURA: I thought you meant-- (laughter)
MATT: What's happening? (laughter)
TONY: No, the eyes are doing it I said can I get a, make-- No. (laughter)
LAURA: I thought you meant, like, "Am I allowed to say--"
TONY: Never mind, okay.
LAURA: Do you need it or do want me to, like, throw it? (laughter)
TONY: Okay, never mind. Scratch that.
MATT: That's okay.
TONY: Okay, so I had an whole idea, and I turned to her and-- Anyways, never mind. Okay, so I'm hearing a voice-- (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: You've got an angel and a devil.
TONY: I'm hearing a voice. I got an angel and a devil behind me.
SAM RIEGEL: The angel's an apple and the devil's a ghost.
TONY: So I'm hearing a spirit behind me and this is talking to me?
MATT: Mm-hmm.
TONY: Yeah. So, okay. It's saying you're okay. This is avenging me. I think this guy-- Hold on, let me think about it. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: It's very mixed messages, and maybe it has nothing to do with anything.
TONY: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's see. So we got the crab who's confused, right?
MATT: The crab is angry, maybe a little confused. It's clutching one of your friends and has nearly knocked out a few of them. You're pushed to the back of the cave and in a precarious scenario.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: You have a spectral ghost that's shouting about vengeance in your ear and a magical apple that's resting around your neck that sits there, thrumming with power.
TONY: Okay, I'm going to--
SAM RIEGEL: Eat it!
LAURA: (muffled) Eat the apple!
TONY: I'm going to eat it.
LAURA: (muffled) Mm-hmm!
TONY: Yeah. (laughter)
TONY: This is why I don't play--
MATT: No, no, it's all good.
TONY: So I'm going to take off the necklace.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: I'm going to take a huge bite of the apple.
MATT: The apple in your hand, the voice says, "Seize your destiny."
TONY: Seize my destiny.
MATT: "I will guide you. I will be your strength. I will be your power."
TONY: Exactly.
MATT: You take a huge bite of it.
TONY: I take a huge bite of it.
MATT: "(horrified screaming)" Just screams! "What are you doing?! Oh, it hurts! It hurts, oh god!"
TONY: I knew it.
MATT: "What-- (horrified screams)"
SAM RICHARDSON: Did you bite the apple, Sarge?
TONY: But what that did, is it distracted the crab.
MATT: The crab, both eyes look around as the apple is screaming as you're chewing it in your mouth.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: But as you're chewing it, you feel its power surging through your body and-- (laughter)
MATT: With enough of this apple, you feel like, indeed, its power could transfer to you. So as it's screaming, do you continue to eat?
TONY: Yeah. Do I continue to eat?
MATT: Yeah, I'm asking you.
TONY: Of course.
MATT: You take another bite.
TONY: Because I can feel the power.
MATT: "(horrified screaming)"
TONY: Yeah, yeah.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh my god!
MATT: "Oh, it hurts!"
TONY: I keep eating it, I keep eating it.
SAM RICHARDSON: Sarge!
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: Are you sure you're not the murderer?
TONY: I'm not the murderer.
LAURA: He's the murderer.
TONY: I'm not the murderer. I'm feeling the power.
MATT: Eventually, the screams of this apple begin to subside as it is devoured quickly.
TONY: Yeah, sure.
MATT: Nothing but the core is left, and you drop it in the water.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: (powerful thrumming)
TONY: That's right, it's inside of me.
MATT: You all see the chest of Sarge begin to glow with his heartbeat.
TONY: That's right.
MATT: As it does, you feel the strength surge into your body.
TONY: Yep.
MATT: You gain 50 temporary hit points.
LAURA: (gasps)
TONY: That's right, guys.
MATT: You feel like your--
TONY: So I'm 56 now.
MATT: Your hands have the strength of a champion.
LAURA: You're 66 because you have plus 10.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, plus 10.
MATT: What do you want to do on your turn? You are enhanced and you still have the ability to take a turn. What do you want to do?
TONY: Okay, so I got massive strength. I got 60-- No, no, that's hit points. Hit points. So I'm going to rage. (laughter)
MATT: Yeah! Got to love it.
SAM RIEGEL: Yes, you are.
MATT: You just scream.
TONY: I'm going to rage and I'm going to do a somersault--
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah.
LAURA: A rage somersault?
TONY: Towards the crab.
MATT: Hell yeah, full on Sonic the Hedgehog leap, spin in the air. (laughter)
MATT: Let's do it.
TONY: As the drums are going. I'm just going to smush the crab.
MATT: You're going to smush the-- (laughs)
SAM RIEGEL: Yeah. Yeah.
TONY: I'm going to take my hands, because you said they were very strong.
MATT: You feel some sort--
TONY: I'm going to still do a Goliath situation.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: But I got more power this time.
MATT: Okay.
TONY: I'm going to go right between the eyes.
MATT: All righty. All right, so I need you to make an acrobatics check, but you have advantage because of the power that's instilled within you from this apple.
TONY: That's right, that's right. There still might be a hole for the apple-- No, I'm just kidding. (laughter)
TONY: Okay, I got eight.
SAM RIEGEL: One more time, because it's at advantage.
MATT: One more time because you have advantage.
TONY: Okay, three.
LAURA: Okay. Plus six.
TONY: Plus six.
LAURA: 14.
TONY: Plus six, I got 14.
MATT: Okay, 14. So as you leap in the air, your acrobatics, there's not a lot of things in the way here, so you flip in the air and catch the top of the cavern for a second. Grabbing it with both of your hands, you look down for your mark as both the eyes of the crab are looking where you went.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MATT: At that point, you pull up and then release, containing all the strength like a downward rocket of a person aiming towards it with your hands in the air. Now make your strike with a double-handed blow from overhead. So, roll that now with advantage.
TONY: Yep, yep, yep.
SAM RIEGEL: With advantage. That's twice.
TONY: With advantage.
SAM RIEGEL: You roll it twice.
TONY: 16!
SAM RIEGEL: Do it again, just in case.
LAURA: Maybe you'll get a 20. Maybe you'll get a 20.
TONY: (grunts) Come on, Critical Role! 17!
MATT: Okay, that's definitely a hit. Wham! Like Hulk slamming both arms down onto the entity--
TONY: That's right, that's right.
MATT: -- you crack into it. Could you roll-- This would be--
MATT: Could you roll 8d12 for me?
LAURA: (gasps) 8d12!
SAM RIEGEL: Oh boy, I don't even know if Tony knows what a d12 is. Here, it's this one.
MATT: I'll lend you--
LAURA: I'll help you.
MATT: -- a bunch of 12-sided dice over here.
LAURA: I've got him covered.
TONY: I got it.
SAM RIEGEL: You got to do it eight times, though.
TONY: Oh, I want the pretty ones.
LAURA: Yeah.
SAM RICHARDSON: Is this d12?
SAM RIEGEL: Nope.
TONY: Oh, damn. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: It's these.
TONY: Oh, I roll eight of these?
LAURA: Yeah, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
SAM RIEGEL: Here. Then we got a bunch more over here.
TONY: Oh.
SAM RIEGEL: Here, take that-- Here. You just need one more, right?
LAURA: Yeah. You need eight.
TONY: This is like a crystal store.
LAURA: Then yeah--
TONY: I do it here?
LAURA: Yeah.
TONY: What is happening?
MATT: You roll all of those and add them together.
LAURA: That's all of your damage.
TONY: That's a lot of damage!
MATT: Yeah.
LAURA: This is exciting.
TALIESIN: It's going to hurt.
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
LAURA: Oh shit.
SAM RIEGEL: Jesus.
TALIESIN: There's always one. (laughter)
LAURA: Just re-roll that, it doesn't count. Okay.
TONY: Okay, four.
LAURA: You rolled so good.
TALIESIN: Oh boy.
TONY: Did I?
LAURA: Yes!
SAM RICHARDSON: Wonderful.
TONY: All right, so I got 11, nine--
TALIESIN: 20.
TONY: Okay, 24, 26, 28, 36, 40, 50.
SAM RIEGEL: Whoa!
MATT: 50 points of damage. So as you strike down, your arms actually split through the crab's armor into the center of its head and you're now elbow-deep inside--
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: -- with the side of its outer shell cracking in spaces.
TONY: It's seafood night!
MATT: You still have a second attack, what do you want to do?
SAM RIEGEL: Another attack!
LAURA: Another attack?
MATT: He gets two attacks a round.
TONY: I get another attack.
SAM RIEGEL: I'm going to start drumming to empower him even more.
LAURA: I'm hit the ceiling of the cavern.
MATT: You're standing on top of the shell.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm going to stand very carefully by the exit. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: But bravely.
MATT: You're elbow-deep inside of this crab.
TONY: That's right. So this is that one?
SAM RIEGEL: (vocalizing drum beat)
MATT: Roll the d20, that's a d12.
SAM RICHARDSON: That's a d12. Yep.
TONY: That's a d12?
MATT: They look very similar. (laughter)
TONY: Thank you for your grace. (laughter)
TALIESIN: This is our show.
TONY: 10!
MATT: 10? You have an advantage on this attack.
TALIESIN: Roll again.
MATT: Because you still have the bonuses from the apple.
TONY: I got an advantage it means I get another try.
MATT: Indeed.
SAM RIEGEL: You know this. (laughter)
MATT: You're doing great.
TONY: Oh!
SAM RIEGEL: That's a natural 20.
LAURA: (gasps)
TONY: Oh!
TALIESIN: This is going to be gross.
SAM RICHARDSON: Wow.
TALIESIN: This is going to be gross.
MATT: All right, so roll those d12s again.
LAURA and TONY: Oh!
TALIESIN: Oh, this is going to be so gross.
MATT: Then we double it.
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
TONY: I get the pretty dice again.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh my gosh.
LAURA: Then you get to double it. Oh, holy moly, this is the best thing ever.
TALIESIN: This is going to be so dark. It's going to be so dark.
TONY: Yeah, pretty colors!
TALIESIN: This is going to be so gross. Oh god.
SAM RIEGEL: Okay.
LAURA: Okay. (laughter)
MATT: All right.
LAURA: These are great, these are great again.
TONY: 27, 36, 44.
SAM RICHARDSON: 62.
TONY: 44, 46, 50, 62.
MATT: 62.
TONY: Wow, did you say 62? Look at you.
LAURA: He's so fast.
MATT: 62 doubled to--
TONY: You are fast.
MATT: -- 124 points of damage.
TONY: Hey, guys! We're having crab tonight!
SAM RICHARDSON: Wow!
TALIESIN: That was like four people.
MATT: How do you want to do this?
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, yes.
LAURA: Oh my gosh.
TONY: How do I want to do this?
MATT: Describe how you finish off this crab.
TALIESIN: The death of the crab.
MATT: Both arms are inside of its somewhat cracked armor in the front. How do you finish it off?
TONY: Yeah, yeah. Right. Well, I got huge strength in my body. Right?
SAM RIEGEL: Yes.
TONY: So I'm going to go full splice, like that.
MATT: So you pull in and you--
TONY: Tear everything out. Just like it is Long John Silvers, just-- (laughter)
MATT: The rest of you watch as Sarge, who's glowing with--
TONY: I got my bib on. (laughter)
TONY: Get it.
MATT: A mystical, celestial bib has apparated around his torso.
TONY: Dip it in some butter.
MATT: Tears the shell in half, you watch as it pulls apart into two pieces--
TONY: That's right.
MATT: -- and immediately crumples into the water. It's all (wild splashing) around. Its legs twitch and stop moving, as there you see Sarge stand in all of his magical, glowing halfling fury. You turn around covered--
LAURA: I forgot you were a halfling this whole time.
MATT: Oh yeah. (laughter)
MATT: Covered in crab guts, you turn around to the rest of them, but still thrumming with energy.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: It immediately fades and you feel nauseous.
TONY: Well, of course. That's a lot to walk through.
SAM RICHARDSON: I'm even more turned on. I need to talk to someone. (laughter)
SAM RIEGEL: You definitely have some problems that you need to work out.
TONY: Ooh, guys, that was pretty exciting.
MATT: And you vomit into the water.
LAURA: That was amazing!
MATT: The bits of the apple ejected from you, the last thing you hear from the apple is "Why?"
TONY: Sorry, apple.
LAURA: Thank you.
TONY: Well, lesser of two evils.
LAURA: I start pulling out crab bits. Let's make some dinner!
TONY: Yeah, right? Chow!
SAM RICHARDSON: (laughs)
MATT: Collecting the healthy remnants of a massive crab feast, it takes you a few treks, but eventually, you can pull them back to the topside and back to the village proper. Here, in preparation for the Musetide Festival, a massive crab break, crab br-- crab bake, that's the phrase, is settled as part of the celebration as the rest of you have now become lauded as heroes in showing and proving both through the leftover bodies of these sirens and this sleeping crab entity to those topside. Here, along the outskirts of the north shore of this island, the elder approaches you all, celebratory with a massive bonus. "I just wanted to say I had no idea y'all were this good at what you do. If it's at all possible I'd love to keep you on your current salary at 15 gold a day and maybe take out more crabs for us if you don't mind."
TONY: We need to up that.
SAM RICHARDSON: We're going to need a little bit of a bonus in there. You're going to need to give a little bit of a raise here.
TONY: That's right.
TALIESIN: Game tickets, something like that would be nice. Free ice cream. You know.
TONY: Yeah, there you go.
TONY: "Free ice cream? I can do free ice cream!"
TALIESIN: Yes!
MATT: "That I can do."
TALIESIN: Are we good with that? Are we good with that?
MATT: "We'll figure it out."
TONY: A little low. (laughter)
SAM RICHARDSON: The Glorious Ones don't come cheap.
TONY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MATT: "I get that, I get that. Well, it's a pleasure to have you amongst us, and should any other dangers come to us by the end of this festival, I know who to call when my first choice ends up falling through like it did. You've all been fantastic."
SAM RICHARDSON: Never did get those crystals, did I?
LAURA: Yes! Should we be concerned that the sirens called the big crab The Dreamer and that's what this whole island is named for?
SAM RIEGEL: Ah, it's fine.
SAM RICHARDSON: It's probably all right.
SAM RIEGEL: Just enjoy the festival.
LAURA: Okay, cool.
TONY: People still think I'm a murderer.
LAURA: That's because you are.
TONY: I did, that's true.
SAM RIEGEL: You didn't do much to dissuade that.
MATT: The festival progresses onward, the beautiful performances and culminating in the final magical dance number that is called The Calling of the Dreamer. You can see the symbols and the iconography throughout the various flags of this massive crab guardian that has been here and kept the village safe for hundreds and hundreds of years.
LAURA: Oh no.
TONY: Wow.
MATT: As they finish their dance and the spirit of the guardian has come to arise and bless them with another year of prosperity, everyone looks confused as, strangely, the guardian spirit does not come when called.
SAM RIEGEL: I think you might need to go on the lam from going on the lam.
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh no, who did this?
TONY: Double trouble.
LAURA: Oh no!
TONY: Exactly. Ugh.
LAURA: As you like eat--
SAM RICHARDSON: Just very quietly eat and have a beer. (laughter)
MATT: No one's putting two and two together as they're eating their crab cakes and their crab sandwiches. Wondering what this somewhat disappointing end to the festival happens, but everyone claps and cheers.
TALIESIN: Really tasty crab.
MATT: The soft fireworks and everyone goes home a little worried, the elder gets extremely drunk and feels like it's his fault. But as the event begins to clear, eventually you see Dr. Dranzel, the orcish performer return. "Shorthalt, we're moving on. Got us ship passage somewhere to the west. We're thinking maybe somewhere in Tal'Dorei."
SAM RIEGEL: Oh, the band's moving on. Are you with us?
TONY: Yeah.
SAM RIEGEL: All right.
TONY: I mean, they're going to find out sooner or later, we might want to leave.
SAM RIEGEL: All right, the Glorious Ones will join.
MATT: "Oh, we're bringing friends along, too?"
SAM RIEGEL: We might need some bouncers.
LAURA: I've always wanted to see Tal'Dorei.
SAM RIEGEL: I've always wanted to get some charm lessons, so maybe this guy could stick around for a while.
SAM RICHARDSON: You're off to a great start as it is anyway, mate.
MATT: "What kind of instrument do you play, friend?"
SAM RICHARDSON: Just the triangle.
MATT: "That could work."
LAURA: I land on the ground cast Enlarge, so I'm two feet tall, and I look up at Rand and say: He casts, he plays the heart strings.
TONY: Oh.
SAM RICHARDSON: When you've got it, you've got it, what can I say?
MATT: "Wouldn't hurt to have a new promoter anyway."
SAM RICHARDSON: Oh, well, at your service.
MATT: "Fantastic, all right."
TALIESIN: Kent legally has to have me for two more weeks. (laughter)
TALIESIN: I'm in.
MATT: "All right, well, let's get on the ship and make our way out. This place is starting to get a bit dour." Gets his pack over his shoulder, and as y'all begin to wander off towards the ship, the mists swirl and you see a strange spectral shape drifting and staring off towards the back of Sarge.
TONY: Yeah.
MATT: "Avenge me."
TONY: Oh my god, this guy. (laughter)
MATT: And that concludes our adventure for today. (laughter)
TONY: You guys are so good at this.
MATT: Dude, you did great! For your first time playing?
TONY: You're all so good. Seriously, it's really amazing.
LAURA: You got the big How Do You Want to Do This.
SAM RIEGEL: You went inside a crab and killed it.
SAM RICHARDSON: If I get the rules, you know what I mean? Yeah.
TALIESIN: It takes.
MATT: Like I said, it's a framework to make fun choices, and so the more comfortable you get with it, but we have a good time regardless.
TONY: Oh, it's so great.
MATT: Thank you Laura and Sam and Taliesin for coming and helping out with this. Sam Richardson, Tony Hale.
SAM RIEGEL: Yay!
MATT: Phenomenal job and thank you again so much for joining us. This has been so much fun. Thank you all so much for watching. Remember, if you haven't donated to Red Nose Day yet, now is the perfect time. We'll wait right here while you go to critrole.com/rednoseday. That's critrole.com/rednoseday to give right now. Any amount really helps and adds to have a real impact for children facing poverty. So, please, do give what you can. Red Nose Day funds incredible programs, bringing essential resources to kids in the US and all around the world. But, from me, everyone here and everyone at Critical Role Foundation and Red Nose Day, thank you so very much. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. (cheering)